New me

Remember how I said if anything tragic were to happen or I found myself in a situation where I did not feel responsible for a loved one's emotions, that I would run backward as fast as I could?...Well...I think I have finally made peace with myself. I wont say it is completely gone "Praise the Lord I'm healed!" xD or that I miss my old self, everyone misses parts of their past especially when it was an addiction; but I think I am okay now. I am liking myself now and have come to terms with it all. I may have occational slip-ups but I do not think I will be going back.

my tumblr

Hullo girls, goodness how I miss you all! I've made a tumblr! ^__^ I decided to give it a try. If you have one I'd love if you followed me, and I you, so we can keep in touch! I am sorry that I'm not able to blog as often as I used to...I just found that I've nothing to say anymore since I began keeping things in again. I do not know if that is good or bad...its as if I lack the ability to feel. I am happy in the shallowest sense of the word for I have never truly known what happiness is. I suppose the correct word would hover around words such as: content, passable, okay, decent, sufficient, unobjectionable, moderate, and the like. Tell me in comments or on my tumblr or Facebook even, are you well? Are you happy? Are you sad? I hope I have provided some help to you all in my being here as you all have helped me in my struggles. I cannot say that I am fully "recovered", if that word even exists for us; for I know that if anything tragic, or what I consider to be tragic, were ever to happen, or if I found myself in a world where I am alone and did not feel responsible for any one's feelings, as wrong of me as it may be, I would run backwards as fast as I could and not stop until my body turned to dust; a casual little cyclone blowing happily in the cool wind, leaving behind only the delicate frame of a girl who never knew happiness but died to grasp it at the very end.

The problem is that I do not want any imperfections. Any fold, crease, jiggle is an imperfection in my eyes. No one can fix my kaleidoscopic vision unless they have a time machine to sail back through time and raise that little girl in a way that would save her eyes from deformation. Though I highly doubt it was in the way I was raised or grew up...and it is definitely not because I dislike growing up or the fact that media is influential. I really despise the fool that came up with that one! You cannot tell me that the media has broken my mind or that remaining a child would have stopped this for I was a child when it began. Ha, I'd be more likely to have a full recover if a such thing existed as DNA tampering! I need some futuristic devise to pluck out the part of my brain that sends the signal to my eyes that exaggerates every ounce of my image.

Haha! I am sorry, I've done it again! Anyhow my little blueberries, have a lovely day for me if you can! I love all of you dearly!

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I shall share my precious secrets with my litto teacups ♥ ^__^

I know I've been away quite a bit; and to make up for it, I shall share with you my secret to soft, smooth, flawless skin =) I hope it works for your skin type as well as it does mine!

This is a facial recipe I have been using for a while now (Approximately 4.5 weeks). Within the first week my face was clearing up and began looking as it did in my preteen years (Before those first horrid pubescent breakouts we all despised so. Sadly, mine never ceased...). However, when I skipped a day, it went back to its old self and took a day or two to clear up once again. I dont use any facial scrub, or facial soap products, or toner anymore. The only product I currently use is a spot of moisturizer twice a day after each use of the scrub: when I wake each morning and once more at night after I bathe. At that statement one would think, "Well, dear, its just the lack of chemical product that caused your skin to clear." But, I have tried that tactic times before; it causes a worse breakout when I use nothing at all. Personally, I think it is purely the natural factors, nutrients and vitamins that my skin needs.

Recipe Ingredients-Scrub:

50ml sugar - (~.25cups)

~white sugar for oily skin or skin in need of exfoliation~

~brown sugar for sensitive skin~

5ml room temp to cold matcha/green tea (1tsp)

Choose one:

~5ml honey-moisturizing effects (1tsp)

~5ml plain yogurt-skin soothing effects (1tsp)

~5ml lemon juice-cleansing and tightening effects (1tsp)

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Recipe Ingredients-Toner:

~15ml room temp matcha/green tea (~1tbsp)

~5ml lemon juice- tightening effects (1tsp, optional)

What I did was: I brewed my tea, let it steep in a teacup (or pot of course). After it is nice and strong, I pored just a tad into a tiny bowl, to which I then added lemon. It is better to mix the toner while it remains warm-hot. I poured ~10ml (little over .5oz) mixture into a small salt/pepper shaker that I found at the　マーケット。 ^^ It's cute, it opens and closes with a litto button! =] Just perfect for tipping onto a facial cotton round! I waited until the tea cooled almost completely to continue on to the scrub. It shouldn't be too warm or it'll melt the sugar and you don't want that. After it cooled, I scooped the sugar into a small bowl and drizzled matcha overtop. Mixed it a bit after drizzling the tea. I chose honey, rather than lemon (because of my sensitive skin and I did not have yogurt), which I then added and mixed thoroughly. You want it to have a wet grainy consistency to it, but not too wet or it wont cooperate when you apply it, it will just slide off your face and fingertips before you have a chance to scrub. I suggest following the recipe for the first time, to get the gist of the consistency and feeling, then adjusting it to your liking. I keep my scrub in a mini jam jar which I was pleased to find a tiny spoon to fit nicely inside ^__^

When you wake, splash some warm water on your face to open up your pores. Use the sugar scrub and rub your face kindly in a circular motion with the tips of your fingers while avoiding your eye area. You can use it to exfoliate your lips every now and then but I strongly suggest being very gentle! After you scrub, use warm water to rinse it off. The warm water will melt the sugar and re-open your pores helping to absorb the nutrients sugar, matcha and honey have to offer. If you would like, splash some cool water on your face after rinsing to help close your pores a little. Pat your face dry. Take your cotton round and tip your lemon tea toner onto it about 2~3 times. Gently rub it on your face. It is alright to use this on your eye area but be careful not to get it in your eyes, lemon has no place in your eyes! xD To finish off, spread a spot of moisturizer onto your hands and pat it on, cupping your cheeks in your hands and moving them up and down and on your forehead, chin and nose; dont forget your neck! (Depending on your skin type, you may need more moisturizer than that.) I use a moisturizer equip with sun protection =)

To keep my face oil-free throughout the day (I have a problem with oily skin), I use the toner whenever I feel my face becoming oily. ~3x a day.

Thats it! Fresh morning glow! =]

On to the photos! xD

The comments about the photos will be under the photo they describe =)

I know it gets confusing at times not knowing whether to read above or below.

Im almost out of my toner in these photos. I use these soft facial cotton rounds to apply the toner, as you see on the right.

See the litto holes? ^^ Pores quite well! Just like a toner bottle but better!

I have sensitive skin but also very oily skin, so I opted for white sugar as you can see. The brown sugar scrub will appear more mapley than yellow as this one does (White sugar = grainy rough sand, brown sugar = fine smooth sand). I just am sure not to scrub for too long or too hard lest I get red spots because of my skin-type O.o However, if you use this and your face becomes a little red post-scrub, don't worry, it will go away in a minute or so =] I may try swapping 30ml of white sugar for brown sugar in the future, to simulate the two sizes of scrubbing beads you see in facial scrubs and shower gels. I tried using just brown sugar once but it did less for my oily skin.

See how all the honey has separated and lies atop the sugar? The first time I made this I dumped that out, but then I realized I'm taking out the best part! So now I mix up the top half of the scrub before I use it. I don't go into and heavy mixing since I only need about 5-10ml anyway ^^

There! All mixed! See how it is fully yellow now?

Like the inside of a sweet sugary honey hive ^__^

The amount in this jar (~55ml/~.25cups) lasts about 2.5 weeks, not bad. As I mentioned earlier, the only chemical product I currently use is moisturizer. I say "currently" because I plan to start a Shu Uemura or Shiseido night routine in the future. I think it is time I begin caring for my skin properly so as to age well =) just because there are no age lines or wrinkles yet doesn't mean to wait until you receive your first line right? ^^ I've been thinking, I could get them on ebay ^^ They are quite expensive and I figure as long as they are unopened it should be just fine! Otherwise Id have to be awfully rich! xD