sandman glitter dirt finally worked at 7am...

4am, he flaps his wings and lands on the windowsill with his bag of glittering shit,
takes a long stare at me sitting in my green lawn chair in the bedroom.
my hairs all tangled, my eyes are red and baggy, and i wince everytime i swallow.
"geez...what? you get hit by a train? and is that a lawn chair?.....in a bedroom?..you do know this is a bed-room..right?"
i blink slowly "shut up, its your fault i look like shit, your fucking late!"
he shakes his head as he sticks his hand in the burlap bag.
"sorry, business ran overtime. all you insomniacs, huy...some of you take 5 rounds a this sparkle crap!"
he throws it in my face and its stings my eyes and makes me cough.
"what the fuck are you doing?! dont just toss it in my face, idiot!"
"well if you were a normal sleeper i wouldnt have to do it so rough, stop complaining, i gave it to you didnt i?"
he gets ready to go.
"wait, stay in case it doesnt work..."
"i got other fat asses to work on. if it dont work, ill be back tomorrow night."
so far, nothing, just the same old yawning that ive had since 2am.
"ok, ok, but gimme one more before you go!"
i get in bead next to my sound asleep boyfriend and wait for more.
he burns my eyes with another dose of glitter crap and leaves.
4:15am, .........nothing yet.....
4:17am, i grab my book and read while i wait...nothing...
6:30am, i put the book back and switch it out for my ipod, "Kiss Me" and "If Only We Could Sleep Tonight" by The Cure...oh! i feel a little sleepy...
7am, finally zzzZZZ...

this insomnia thing is really not good. i wake up so tired and i have body aches. not to mention my throat hurts so bad today from purging last night :( i just couldnt let that binge mistake follow through and land its ugly blubbery fat into my thighs and stomach! im going to stay clear of food all day today beside sorbet or ice pops for my throat and when i have to eat dinner with xxx.

i cant sleep...so here are some weird things

this is my third post today :P the sandman hasnt come with his magic sparkly sand yet so im wide awake. yawning, but wide awake. i hate not being able to sleep. i just massaged my boyfriends feet, with lotion, to sleep haha it puts him to sleep so fast *sigh* i wish things like that would work for me. but since im bored and the lotion reminded me of things i dislike, i decided to make a list of all my weirdness and particular-ness, things that make me feel panicky and things that irritate me:

being fat
binging/purging
going over my cal limit
not knowing how many cals im eating
not washing lotion off the palms of my hands
meeting people, unless im in "job/work/class mode"
public speaking
being left in a strangers house with them (ex- if the person i went with stepped outside for a smoke)
shaking strangers hands
touching a strangers things
hugging strangers or kissing cheeks hello
sitting on chairs, couches or on the floor in a strangers house, id rather stand
touching anything that is mine, including my clothes and me, without washing my hands after shaking a strangers hand or touching their things
walking in peoples homes with shoes on, but ironically i also feel dirty having my socks or bare feet touching their floor. so im kinda screwed both ways :P had to learn to tolerate/choose one or the other
when people take their newborn babies into grocery stores in just a diaper, no clothes or hats
not grooming your dog every week (bath, brushing, ear cleaning)
not picking up your dogs shit outside
not folding clothes properly (so it doesnt have wrinkles) before putting them away
an unwiped table directly after meal time
leaving dishes unwashed in the sink or on counters
clothes on the floor
when any part of my body touches the tub or shower walls while im showering (beside my feet of course) i have to wash all over again
when my towel touches the shower curtain, the wall, the tub or the toilet, i will not use it
upside down books
unorganized books (tallest to smallest)
un-alphabetized dvds, cds, games
people beside my boyfriend touching my clothes, my bedding, sitting on my bed, touching my stuffed animals, touching my baby blanket (yes, im 21 and i still have those things :P haha im glad my boyfriend thinks theyre cute)
not knowing where my baby blanket and stuffed animals are (sometimes i loose them in my blanket while im sleeping)