fast.......fucking COMPLETED!!!

gess what girls! gess fucking what!! I FUCKING DID IT!!! i feel so excited and happy, i really did suprise myself yesterday! despite xxx wanting me to eat i didnt! i didnt give in, i stayed strong and did it for the sake of my body and proving to myself that i can, in fact, be a stronger person! thank you helesaurus , embre and Laura for your advice, ill definately use it! im such a nervous person and ive never been in this situation before where ive been found out by someone and not because i ratted my own self out :P i had ratted myself out to my mom once when i was 15 thinking she knew i was purging and i was watched like a hawk! but it was somewhat easy since she and my brother were at work/school 7hrs of the day.

i thought i was going to have no choice but to swallow a cracker because my fucking UTI came back last night (figures right) and i lost the pills that make the pain go away9another figures) so i couldnt drink anything to keep my stomach growling from being heard and i knew if he heard it he'd probably say "thats it! babe, eat!" so whenever i went to the bathroom i drank a little water. i took a couple benadryl which luckily for me knocked me out before my stomach growled too loud.

i really really dont want to eat today either! ive gotten a taste of what i can do and i want more! its the best thing ive ever tasted (or not hahaha) in my life! i want to fast for a week or more, i really do! unfortunately thats not a good idea :( i have think about how im going to do this because im still, no matter what, still not passing my 500cal limit! at eat as little as i can to keep him happy, carrots, celery, corn, green beans, peaches, soup if i must. haha ive stayed kinda strong about that low-fat ice cream i bought thats been in the freezer for quite some time. its not even 1/8th eaten haha!

im craving a fast

so far so good. but we're going to have frozen pizza for dinner O.o i looked at the box and it says 310cal per slice!!! but he cuts it into 4's so that makes it 387.5cal per slice, holy shit!!! i KNOW i can do 100-200cal a day if it wasnt for the dinners or anytime we go get food. i always have no choice but to eat and i always want to purge if its not something i consider diet food. but i hate purging it makes me so nervous! i always check the doors to make sure i locked them and even still im always scared :/ im mean, im not really doing anything wrong, im healthy, im eating, i have so much fat so theres no way im "under nurished", i just cant keep to my diet so im taking out what i failed to stop from going in. i tried to say i didnt wanna eat pizza by saying ill just finish my spaghetti (127cal) but i grabbed the wrong one :P now i have his moms spaghetti and mine is at the old house. i dont know if we have a pot here, if we do im gonna try to eat ramen w/sesame oil instead (160cal).

ive really been wanting to fast but i just dont see how i can. im gonna try for 1 day a week, but i really wanna do a whole week! theres just no way i can with so many people around paying attention. i want to feel what it feels like to conquer food, to conquer the ultimate form that controls us. i know i can do it and i really want to try. i will someday, for right now, all i can do is dream. i doubt one day a weekk can do much but i will see if i can even manage to get away with that. why does nobody understand that 2000+ calories is just not right? almost everything the average human eats is choke full of calories and fat and grease. the average humans stomach is stretched past its normal size from childhood and the average human eats much more then they need in one sitting. why dont people leave those of us who want to be thin alone? they are worse than we are, are they not? eating until they feel full when really theres no need. i just want to be able to do what i want, eat how i want without being looked at like i need help or im being rediculous.

5 Keebler Zesta crackers: 60cal 6:10p