be new:: September 2011

be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...

Welcome

Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ
ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High
Dysthymia:	Very High
Bipolar Disorder:	High
Cyclothymia:	High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Low
Postpartum Depression:	N/A

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I fear I am who I fought not to be

Two.
Mother and father.
Pulling at me from both sides,
Tearing me in half.
Fighting myself to be good;
Not to be one,
Not to be the other.
Have tried so hard, to find,
I am both.
I am lost.
I am confused.
Fighting to see what needs to be.
I want to stay in the darkness.
It is horrible,
But it is what I know,
It is safe.
Put me out of my misery.

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This is my current eating plan to help further me in my personal desires; however, I may not always follow this plan at every meal everyday ^//^ life is full of surprises and unexpectancies which cannot be helped ne?

☆Black coffee for breakfast to get my body going and to start up my metabolism.
☆Avoid having anything during the day. Only have dinner to satisfy the binge desire.
☆If I need to eat during the day, have fruits or vegetables.
☆Staples: tofu, fish, lite soups, soba, gluten-free tapioca bread.
☆Drink only water {option with lemon}, tea or coffee. If I must have something more, go for real juices: apple juice, grape juice, cranberry juice.
☆Eat as many fruits and veggies as I can.
☆Wherever possible: fat-free, reduced-fat, lite, gluetn-free, low-calorie, sugar-free foods.
☆Do not eat too many pre-packaged foods regardless of low-calorie.
☆Last and most importantly: DO NOT OVER EAT!!! No more than fist-sized meals / only eating until the hungry growls fade away.

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私の名前はきいです。

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Sunday, September 4, 2011

I fear I am who I fought not to be

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