New me

Remember how I said if anything tragic were to happen or I found myself in a situation where I did not feel responsible for a loved one's emotions, that I would run backward as fast as I could?...Well...I think I have finally made peace with myself. I wont say it is completely gone "Praise the Lord I'm healed!" xD or that I miss my old self, everyone misses parts of their past especially when it was an addiction; but I think I am okay now. I am liking myself now and have come to terms with it all. I may have occational slip-ups but I do not think I will be going back.

my tumblr

Hullo girls, goodness how I miss you all! I've made a tumblr! ^__^ I decided to give it a try. If you have one I'd love if you followed me, and I you, so we can keep in touch! I am sorry that I'm not able to blog as often as I used to...I just found that I've nothing to say anymore since I began keeping things in again. I do not know if that is good or bad...its as if I lack the ability to feel. I am happy in the shallowest sense of the word for I have never truly known what happiness is. I suppose the correct word would hover around words such as: content, passable, okay, decent, sufficient, unobjectionable, moderate, and the like. Tell me in comments or on my tumblr or Facebook even, are you well? Are you happy? Are you sad? I hope I have provided some help to you all in my being here as you all have helped me in my struggles. I cannot say that I am fully "recovered", if that word even exists for us; for I know that if anything tragic, or what I consider to be tragic, were ever to happen, or if I found myself in a world where I am alone and did not feel responsible for any one's feelings, as wrong of me as it may be, I would run backwards as fast as I could and not stop until my body turned to dust; a casual little cyclone blowing happily in the cool wind, leaving behind only the delicate frame of a girl who never knew happiness but died to grasp it at the very end.

The problem is that I do not want any imperfections. Any fold, crease, jiggle is an imperfection in my eyes. No one can fix my kaleidoscopic vision unless they have a time machine to sail back through time and raise that little girl in a way that would save her eyes from deformation. Though I highly doubt it was in the way I was raised or grew up...and it is definitely not because I dislike growing up or the fact that media is influential. I really despise the fool that came up with that one! You cannot tell me that the media has broken my mind or that remaining a child would have stopped this for I was a child when it began. Ha, I'd be more likely to have a full recover if a such thing existed as DNA tampering! I need some futuristic devise to pluck out the part of my brain that sends the signal to my eyes that exaggerates every ounce of my image.

Haha! I am sorry, I've done it again! Anyhow my little blueberries, have a lovely day for me if you can! I love all of you dearly!

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