be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

 ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

what is real?

I feel so angry! I want to hurt someone! Mainly myself for being such a loser! I feel like going to a secret place in the woods, tearing off all my clothes, cutting my arms until the blood streams down my entire body then screaming the loudest I've ever screamed in my life!!!

"WE ALL SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS! I'VE SEARCHED SINCE I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO WANT IT! I GET SO CLOSE AND IT GETS PULLED AWAY! I'M THROUGH SEARCHING! SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS IS LIKE TRYING TO TOUCH A FUCKING RAINBOW!!! I GIVE UP!!!"


Ya, it's a tantrum type thing, so shoot me! (take that literally if you want), but I've really had it. I've tried and tried and pushed through everything without ever giving up, I think I'm entitled to want to give up a'least once in my life!

I love you too Peri <3
書く … alice-k コンポーズ 2:22 PM

3 comments:

  1. DaniAugust 24, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    yeah i get like that all the time

    ReplyDelete
  2. Peridot (G+P)August 25, 2011 at 2:37 AM

    Don't hurt yourself, take the rage out on a more deserving target. Like Blizzard for making WoW so expensive.

    I love taking my rage and urge to hurt to MMOs and slaughtering the mobs and other players.

    Look after yourself ok? Love you <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. DYINGSERAPHDecember 26, 2011 at 3:30 AM

    ;( I miss u kii... I din realize I was the source of ur pain I would take it all back if I could... I thought it would make us stringer not tear us apart... I would do anything 4 u... ANYTHING ;(

    ReplyDelete

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