I've been utterly squirmy lately! I've just had an unstoppable urge to keep moving! I know for a fact it stems from guilt. I've been in control of how much I eat for the most part (unless my food pusher of a cousin is present or someone notices how "little" I've eaten). I know that my mind is compensating for the types of food I've been consuming by being obnoxiously and uncontrollably fidgety. I just can't help it! Before I realise it, I'm tapping, moving, swaying, rocking, and other nervous twitchy, squirmy habits.
My mum is having suspicions that I'm purging. I've been excusing myself to the restroom pre, during, and post meal. It's just that I try my utmost to keep myself well hydrated (less chance've water retention) and also I use the restroom to sneak in some: jumping jacks, squats, lunges, tricep dips, counter push-ups after my meals. I feel as if I'm doing something terrible when I exercise... so I've been lying about it. At dinner tonight, I said my tummy was upset (which it did feel like it was, for the moment, before I mentioned it), and excused myself to the restroom mid-dessert. I took the large, handicap stall, did 100 jumping jacks and as many lunges as I could. Then I just jump jump jumpjumpjumped around in the stall until I thought they'd start to miss me... I never cease to amaze myself at my ability to lie, manipulate and connive when it involves my inake. If it were anything else I'd be flushed, my eyes would be shifty and my voice would shake and come out rather choppy.
Well, you are purging but not in the way she thinks.
ReplyDeleteAre you able to exercise more at home so you can cut down the during/after meal loo trips so she freaks out less and gets off your back?
Love you Kii *Huggles*