Oh how I miss my blog!!!!
I've been (and still currently am) on holiday at home. It's had it's pros and it's cons to deal with, but overall I'm enjoying it. I've missed my family's culture, it is a far cry from Ohio. I've missed my family and my baby pup as well. My heart aches for her; a lump forms in my throat and my eyes tear for her at times. She's always been such a loving companion, full of excitement, joy, life and intelligence. Her mind seems distant now, but a shadow of who she used to be. It may sound odd to speak of a pet in such a way; however, pre-move, she had a personality all her own: she lived indoors, she came running when laughter could be heard, she'd whine to play when children were at the park accross the way, she knew over 40 commands (both in voice command and silent handgesture). Now she barely knows her name and doesn't even twitch an ear when I say doggy treat?
She was my Christmas Present of '99. Up until the move in 2010, she was still a rambunchious pup for being 11 in human years. My mum's finances failed and they moved in with my grandparents. They do not allow pets indoors. As a result of ourdoor life, my once happy, bubbly pup is now detatched and merely existing. She shivers and hides from every strange sound, she barks and cries in fear of the dark and the fireworks (Chibi has always had an odd fear of the dark. She would tap the touch lamp with her nose when we were out past dark.) She is no pampered princess, but living outdoors is not for her. Indoors was all she ever knew, and after all my father had put her through when he lived with us, she has a sort of PTSD, though I'm not sure if animals can have that.)
It's been a bit rough being here, food-wise. Here, I've little to no control. There is a time to eat, a way to eat it and though I'm able to choose what I'd like to eat, I've little choice of where of what cuisine (there is a lot've take-out/fast food/restaurant food). There is a certain amount that I am expected to eat when the family is around as well (excluding times when it is just my brother, mum and her husband), and there are extremely unsafe foods I must eat (those I do not even eat in binge). Also, 99% of the time I've no idea or way of figuring the kcals in anything.
At first, it was torture.
I wished I'd never come.
I wanted to disappear.
I longed to be invisible.
But then, a good thing happened: I realised that b'coz I felt so entirely out've my element, embarassed, ashamed and self-conscious; I controlled my intake, as far as how full I became. No more binges! I've been binge-free since I've been here! Not a single food obsesssed thought (binge-wise), not a single sneaked food item, and my tummy has shrunk! My stomach itself that is. I am satisfied and become full quite quickly! I take the healthier choice wherever I can.
I say it now, but really I can only hope: I may be rid of my binge monster!
She was my Christmas Present of '99. Up until the move in 2010, she was still a rambunchious pup for being 11 in human years. My mum's finances failed and they moved in with my grandparents. They do not allow pets indoors. As a result of ourdoor life, my once happy, bubbly pup is now detatched and merely existing. She shivers and hides from every strange sound, she barks and cries in fear of the dark and the fireworks (Chibi has always had an odd fear of the dark. She would tap the touch lamp with her nose when we were out past dark.) She is no pampered princess, but living outdoors is not for her. Indoors was all she ever knew, and after all my father had put her through when he lived with us, she has a sort of PTSD, though I'm not sure if animals can have that.)
It's been a bit rough being here, food-wise. Here, I've little to no control. There is a time to eat, a way to eat it and though I'm able to choose what I'd like to eat, I've little choice of where of what cuisine (there is a lot've take-out/fast food/restaurant food). There is a certain amount that I am expected to eat when the family is around as well (excluding times when it is just my brother, mum and her husband), and there are extremely unsafe foods I must eat (those I do not even eat in binge). Also, 99% of the time I've no idea or way of figuring the kcals in anything.
At first, it was torture.
I wished I'd never come.
I wanted to disappear.
I longed to be invisible.
But then, a good thing happened: I realised that b'coz I felt so entirely out've my element, embarassed, ashamed and self-conscious; I controlled my intake, as far as how full I became. No more binges! I've been binge-free since I've been here! Not a single food obsesssed thought (binge-wise), not a single sneaked food item, and my tummy has shrunk! My stomach itself that is. I am satisfied and become full quite quickly! I take the healthier choice wherever I can.
I say it now, but really I can only hope: I may be rid of my binge monster!
OMG KII I MISSED YOU! *Glomps*
ReplyDeletePoor puppy *huggles* Yes animals can have strong memories of abuse/bad experiences and that can influence their behaviour in situations the same way PTSD-type things do in humans. Just got o an animal shelter and ask the people who work there :(
Suck for the food situation. Yay for no binges! So to avoid them listen to your stomach and only eat what it can hold. I let myself get oo hungry yesterday and fuck I was the closest I've been to a full-on binge in over 6 months. Regular stomach-filling with safe nommage seems to be the key.
I hope we can remember this and have a completely binge-free 2013!
Love you Kii. Sendign you tons of hugs and all my love <3