well.......i HAD to think of something that fucked me up, now didnt i? we went to a halloween party last night and the lady that lives across the street was hosting. she wore a black, skin-tight cat costume with an open chest and back. i couldnt help but secretly stare at her. she's not my type at all though because, well i just dont like lady's like her but...her body...it just made me miss mine is all...it made me envious! jealous in fact! and a tad bit angry as to why her body is ok with everyone and mine was not. her thighs dont touch, her spine is noticeable and even the bony ribs in her chest space by her sternum were showing! i want all of that back! the only physical thing ive left that comforts me and lets know im not completely back to being a fat ass as i was, are my clavicles. i find myself, i suppose you could say caressing them haha! XD while im watching television or riding in the car i stroke them and love them. sounds a bit mental of me doesnt it? :P im just glad they are still there! its all i have to tie me to the memories of how strong i was, the only thing to confirm and prove to me that i am a strong person no matter how weak people say or think i am...which is ALOT of people...actually, its everyone i know...oh well, i gess i cant change that view they have of me; ive tried.
Skipping Out
6 months ago
ur not werid i play with mine all the time too
ReplyDeletestay strong hun
Haha don't worry I do the same thing. I wont be paying attention, then suddenly I realize I'm holding my shoulders or rubbing my clavicles. I even rub my ribs and feel on my arm bones. Lol so I think I've got an issue lol, you're just fine ^^
ReplyDeleteDon't worry yo'll feel strong again one day, whether its from being thin, or something completely different! There's more than one way to feel strong :)
i want you to be you
ReplyDelete