booties, yoga, stretches, and failure but who cares?

i feel a little down. i have messed up FIVE days of ABC so far. the initial one was...difficult but not horrible. the more i mess up the more i feel i want to give up because i wasnt supposed to mess up this time! :'( i was supposed to rock it and succeed, but im failing...again...i want to give up, however i am trying to remind myself that it is merely five days out of fifty and that it isnt going to hurt me to proceed with my best. i am tyring to tell myself it will be failing if i give up rather than if i keep going no matter how many screw ups i get...oh, i forgot to mention i am NOT GETTING ANY FRICKING RESULTS! O.O whyyy? (duh! it is in the foods i eat...) i am exercising and ive taken up yoga again.

i must say the yoga and stretches that ive been doing are showing results in the limber area of life. i have minor scoliosis from my father so it helps me ALOT. it is why i started in the first place several years ago. it isnt visible when ive proper posture but if i slouch or sit with my legs straight out, its noticeable -__- and alot of times if i lay on my tummy with my chest propped up by my elbows, i get stuck and in pain like an old lady with a bad back XD

i am constructing for myself, a mood journal. it will be for my feelings toward intake and for the project with my cousin -changing one thing in my daily routine (my OCDs). change something small that makes me a little uncomfortable but not feel out of wack. i dont know if ive mentioned it before but this project is to help us let go of control; for me, helping to distance myself from ana gradually as i see fit. i think that in recovery from an addictive type thing, it needs to be done at a slow gradual pace. otherwise there will just be a constant circle of relapse/recov which is not what i want. i am not ready to eat any higher than 800 right now, i feel sick even eating that much. ive been being horrible with my ABC actually, even on days i fit the limit. alot of times i save up my cals to one big meal (usually unhealthy) which is why i havent any results...therefore i cannot complain...but alot of days ive been feeling the huge need to purge and i noticed that when i feel disgusting about what/how much ive eaten, i tend to scrub alot more and harder in the shower. i suppose i just feel dirty for eating so much and so unhealthily. it is time to change...how many times have you heard that now? XD

oh! on the fun side! i made a set of italian greyhound booties because it is difficult to find ones that fit that have a reasonable price, as their proportions are unique. it turned out very well considering i made the pattern on my own =) im pleased with my work. usually im not for dressing up pets but italian greyhounds shouldnt be in the cold without warmth, they are prone to sickness from cold weather. next ive to make her sweater and my socks. they're fishnet socks and i thought it would be a nice challenge.