be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

frozen dinners are EVIL!

when i get material and a sewing machine in the far future, i am sewing that sweater! haha i love it! :3

i havent written in a bit. its been stressful, hard, worrying, scary, painful and horrible for a bit. but things have calmed down so im back =)

gosh ive had the absolute worst period ever! it hurt so badly i couldnt move the other night. it gets bad after i miss a month and ive been missing every other month fo quite a while now. so, its been a bad period, every period -__- only this time was much worse.

ive sold 2 sweaters and im so happy! im almost finished with one :3 i wish there was a way for me to get more sales, its proving to be a bit difficult to get it out there. ive been looking for a job and have applies to about 7 places so far. its pretty limited since ive no experience but im trying my hardest! i aaalmost could have scored a photography job though but i lack the proper equipment...haha i gess that means i cant say almost haha! i wish! ive to save up at least $1000 before i even think of a photography job! O.o speaking of photography, ive been debating on beginning a photography blog. of course i take picture alot but i havent been taking quite as much as i should be. im very harsh on my photos so my photography portfolio is lacking.

as for my eating, ive been eating more salads for lunch/dinner, baby carrots/apples for snacks. ive been feeling pretty good about myself food-wise. oh goodness, beside one huge mistake i made last week! i was having a good day and let myself have a frozen dinner. bad idea, i cannot say it enough, bad bad bad idea! 1) i ended up eating the entire thing even though i was full halfway through -__- it was a hungryman. hungry. MAN! not hungrygirl, not hungryfemale, not hungrywoman, hungryMAN. so its obviously bigger, duh. 2) it was greasy and i overkilled on the bbq. 3) frozen dinners/pre-packages foods are not very good for your body in the first place. 4) it started a binge feeling which was super hard to control. i was already full from the hungryman but i still ate other things. and last/worst of all, 5) after i ate it i looked on the back. it was...900calories! O.o holy. SHIT! thats my cal limit! (my "healthy" daily cal amount is 1200, if i was eating up to that amount, that would leave me only 300 for the rest of the day!) so obviously i totally hated myself after that and wanted to purge it so badly. i ate my whole daily allowance in one meal not to mention what i had eaten previously that day. tsk tsk tsk, shame on me. never again hungryman, never again.

welp, ive got to get back to the sweater! ^__^

2 comments:

  1. Oh, wow! That sweater is adorable! I would pay you to sew me one. One day, if you get that sewing machine, you should open at Etsy shop. You have excellent taste; I'm sure people would buy your stuff like hotcakes (for lack of a better phrase, haha).

    Good luck on the job search. I know it SUCKS.

    ReplyDelete
  2. that sweater is so cute
    im sorry that u haven been doing good
    stay strong

    ReplyDelete

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