ok, so much for the new outlook on recovery. i HATE it!!! i miss everything, i miss control, i miss my bones, i miss my happiness, i miss my STRENGTH, i miss my almost thinness, i MISS ME!!! i HATE ME!!! i dont like all this on me, its not who i am, i feel like someone else. my face is chubby, my ass is huge, my arms are flab, im getting chin fat, dont even get me started on my thighs and tummy...no actually its a fucking belly now! and omgosh ive got vaginal fat O.O i just miss it all. im so weak right now, ive been using recovery as my cover up for the binges but you know what? im so not in recovery at all. im at the phase of anorexia where you seem normal to the untrained eye. im just a big joke. a big fat ass joke that jiggles when she laughs. i have no control, i eat and dont check calories, i dont restrict, i eat mayo and butter and whole or 2% milk, i eat chocolate and ice cream, i eat fried foods, im a big FAT failure. i miss my little cute tiny ass, flat minimally concave tummy, inch separated thighs and my almost non existent boobs. yes, i like them small. im a little self conscious that they are small or almost nonexistent because i know people judge that, but i actually really like them better that way. theyre so cute when theyre almost gone! ^__^
anyways, i wont ramble on and on about how much a hate me because ive done it already and im sure you dont wanna hear more. well, im off like a dirty shirt!
Skipping Out
6 months ago
o hunny im sorry that ur having such a hard time
ReplyDeletebinging isnt recovery either hun not at all
so u should try and stop the binges and just b healthy eat healthy foods and everything like that eat a healthy amoount of cals
if u really want to recover then thats waht u have to do
Sorry to hear that your going through this...I hope you find a way to make everything ok again..
ReplyDeletexx
okay , im going to let you in on how i feel about all of this weight loss stuff that girls like us go through:
ReplyDeletethe way i see it. if a person is say, 10 pds over weight are they going to die? are they going to have a heart attack or will they just fall into the catagory of slightly unhealthy?
it goes the same for us, if we are 5-10 pds underweight are we going to die? probably not, we may be shortening our lives slightly but i would rather shorten it slightly from being too skinny than over smoking or eating fatty foods. we all get choices, and i feel that as long as your not aiming for being a skeleton then your okay. i know im probably going to get hate mail from saying all this lol but its just the way i feel. its our bodies, i dont drink, i dont smoke, i dont do drugs, i exercise 3 days a week, i eat my daily recommended amount of fruit and veggies, so who cares if im 10 pounds underweight, im doing better than most people out there who claim to be "healthy". and you could do the same. just as long as your careful :)
make your own path girlie, its your life and your body. i will love you whether your 80 pds or 1,000 pds :P
-Meg