six-foot sub?!?!

I have been doing well these past few days and I admit that although I still feel the disgusting layer on my body, I am considerably happier. I am strongly anticipating, from the first of November on, that I will keep doing so. I've been taking note of mistakes I've been making, and avoiding them.

Ie- simply bringing one apple to work is not enough to appease the growling monster within {b'coz it has unlearnt the ability to live on an apple for lunch}, therefore obsessive thoughts about wanting the food at work, therefore binging, then leading me to be very upset, irritated, bothered, all words of the like, and in need of punishment. And punishment is not eating but an apple at work, thus the cycle.

I am lowering the existence of bread {unless it's tapioca bread or this 35kcal/slice variety I found}, cereal, noodles, anything that is not strictly a fruit, vegetable, seafood or tofu. Not tofu products. Tofu. No tofu hot dogs, no tofu bacon, tofu chicken nuggets, tofu this or tofu that; tofu. Aside from Shirataki tofu noodles. I grew up with those and they are 20kcal per package. So it'll fill me and fit in my budget. Same with fruits and vegetables; low calorie so I can eat more. It's curious that I've always known that, it just slips my mind sometimes and disappears for a while.

Ugh, I've gone back to diet Mtn Dew though -__- I am horrible. I sometimes just to want have a change of...scenery? Haha you know what I mean! Blasted company tries to trick you, they do!

1 can of diet Mountain Dew - 0kcal

1 bottle diet Mountain Dew - 10kcal

Though it seems a bottle of diet Coke is safer, the bottle still says 0kcal. They can say 0kcal on anything they like, as long as it is below 5kcal, they are allowed to say 0kcal. How misleading and unfair!

I also think its absolutely crass that there are no comforting facts on nutrition in alcoholic beverages! I am weary of calories and ingredients in things. I steer clear of HFCS, corn products {unless it is corn of course}, gluten products, aspartame {thus my shame of drinking Diet Mount Dew}, and a few others.

My menu:

water -of course-

any sort've unsweet tea

black coffee

almond milk- sparingly

any fruit

any vegetable

puffed rice {70kcal/cup}

puffed wheat {60kcal/cup}

porridge- sparingly

Marie Callander Homestyle Vegetable soup {80kcal/cup}

Progresso Lite New England Clam Chowder {100kcal/cup}- sparingly

Campbell's Tomato Basil soup {100kcal/cup}- sparingly

Ener-G tapioca bread {not really bread, made from tapioca flour. 80kcal/slice}

Truvia- sparingly

brown sugar- sparingly

cinnamon

black pepper

white pepper

cayenne pepper

I was put to shame today at the beginning of my shift. We had a six-foot sub order going out and it just sparked my imagination a bit. As I closed the box, I pictured a large crowd of people gathered around a table, cheering on the Man Vs Food host with their excited auras emanating the atmosphere as he tries to beat the monster sub of Subway! I thought it was rather humourous and thought it would be an interesting idea to hold a sort've deal: If you buy this six-footer and are able to finish it within x-minutes, it is free and you win a free meal for your family along with your picture on our "Winner Wall"! Or some odd thing like that ha! I don't know, I thought it was funny. I told my coworker about it, the same girl who wouldn't leave me be about the lace cuff on my wrist, and said I don't think I could stuff more than a quarter've that monster in me.

Her response was: Oh I know you can! You can eat like a fat girl. I've seen you in action! I know you would win, you'd eat the whole thing!

...nice.

Well, my awkwardness about eating in front've people didn't just get worse, nope not a single bit.

Can you see those words dripping with sarcasm? And people wonder why they rarely, if ever, see me eat; or wonder why I'm so weird when they catch me, bowl in-hand, facing the wall, eating.