I've been freaking out yesterday and today! Our scale at work broke yesterday and I believe they've thrown it away today! {I've no idea why we've a scale at Subway other than my boss uses it.} That was the only scale I had access to! I went to weight myself when I got in and it wasn't there! It wasn't there! I felt immediate anxiety:
How will I know where I am?? What if I've gained?? I won't know how much I've really gained or lost. I can't see it, the numbers are the only thing I can see.
Now I face a dilemma. Buy a scale or don't.
Pros-
I can weigh myself whenever I want at any time and it is my own, unshared, uncontaminated.
Cons-
I can be asked to be weighed at any time. I can be scrutinised, watched, seen. I run the risk of going through the anxiety and fear and nervousness of being asked to see my numbers and the anxiety of trying to tap into my courage to say I'd rather not.
I cannot stand anyone to see how disgusting my numbers are. Feeling good about myself a couple days ago, I willingly stepped onto the library scale to prove I am not underweight. I was exactly 45.4kg. I felt instant shame and disgust and wished I hadn't brought it up. Though it made him happy and eased his worry. It was the exact opposite for me.
What to do. Buy one or not...
I'd considered getting one on one've my walks to the store and hiding it. But where would I hide it? And how would I've access to it? That is pretty much an unrealistic wishful option.
On the bright side, no binges!!!
Having a scale at home can be a bad thing. You end up weighing after and before EVERYTHING. I try to keep myself to one weigh-in, first thing in the day on a hard surface just after peeing and, of course, nekkied. To be as scientifically accurate as I can get. When you start weighing before and after you pee/drink coffee/get a haircut/watch a sad movie you need to chuck the thing out the window.
ReplyDeleteIf you think it can be used against you, hide the scale cleverly or don't risk getting one. if it will hurt more than help don't waste the money. Buy yourself more paints instead. (And measuring is more reliable, since your weight can fluctuate wildly for the stupidest fucking reasons.)
Love you so much *huggles*