be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Friday, May 21, 2010

back to it

i keep trying to loose but i fail. i keep cheating my diet! im 5' 107lbs, ug. i was 95 for fuck sake! i want to be 80lbs at least...or i should say at most. i havent eaten all day =) its 6:41p i hope i can remember my goals when i start to want food, eat less, much less...i have about 7hrs more to go before i can sleep through the rest of my stomach growlings. i get headaches everyday and im pretty sure its because im not eating enough but tylenol can usually fix that, if not a nap helps sometimes and it gets my mind off food.


i checked the calorie counter and it says i should eat 1260cal to loose 1lb per day, but thats not gonna work for me! since i havent been on an actual diet in a while i gess ill start slow to make sure i dont break it :( but im gonna make it smaller than that stupid calculator said.


first goal: cut down considerably! 1000cal a day at most! and of course cold water at hand 24/7.


so that means about 165cal per meal (i round lower rather than higher) if i wanna eat 6x a day. gotta trick the stomach =) but i think im gonna go with eating a tiny bit when i wake up to start my metabolism, then not eating again until im hungry, that way ill eat less in a day. but if i have to eat regular tonight, because i have no idea what theyre dinner planns are, i gess ill have to shower after dinner so i can purge. -__- well at least im free from food for breakfast since i wake up late, and im free from lunch too cuz nobody really cares about that.


i thought i was gonna start yesterday but of course after i ate that one tuna sushi i had to eat another -__- and then he made a sandwich for me so what was i gonna do? i cant throw it away, the trash can was full and the toilets a no, plus he sat with me...i had to eat it...then he brought in some dessert after that and i thought "oooh shit...*sigh* its gonna have to be tomorrow i gess. man im so disgusting!" after i ate i looked at my stomach and its so grosss! im looking at it now and ugg so disgusting...so today! today im going to do it!


starting weight: 107lbs
starting diet limit: under 1000cal per day



!!!THINSPO!!!



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