be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

date has been posponed :( but i deserve it cuz im a fat ass

well today was supposed to be my first date, but the tire was flat this morning :( i was going to try to suppress the guilt i get when i eat anything because its my first date and i wanna be happy and enjoy it. we were going to eat tuna sandwiches and some chips and hang out at the park together. i was going to make sure i keep the food under my diet restrictions and bring lots of water, but i gess ill remember to do that when we do go on our date. i think probably next saturday. i cant wait!!! :D


for dinner we're gonna have steak and baked potato! O.o uggggg, do you know how many calories are in that?! 480 for the steak and 194 for the baked potato! without the skin or butter or anything -__- so since im halfing it, its 280 for the steak...thats 474!!! plus the 70 from earlier makes it 544 OMGOSH! i shouldnt have eaten the triscuit and half that cookie...ooooh im so BAD! i already want to purge! im gonna try to eat less than my half, but they might think somethings wrong with me...ug




1 Triscuit: 20cal 3:00p
half cookie: 50cal 6:50p

930cal under...not for long... T__T
70cal eaten

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