be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Friday, May 28, 2010

failure in a surprise...

had i not eaten all that fucking burger king last night, i would have been at around 700cal for the day. (i didnt have time to blog last night cuz we were busy packing/moving) i want to complain because its so bad that i ate it and i felt so gross about it...but it was a surprise that he got for me...i didnt know weather to go, "awww thank you! your so sweet", or "oooh shiiit, what now?" but no matter which way i thought i still smiled and said thank you. he didnt stay with me the whole time so what i shooould have done was eat a only a little of the fries, eat the chicken, sip on the drink, throw away the ranch and hide and throw away the fries and dump the drink down the sink when i wash it out later...but nooo...i ate it all so fast it was rediculous! it put me on the verge of a binge! it made me want to go out there and eat more O.O but! i stopped myself! :D that brightened my mood about the whole thing a little. plus i purged it before my shower =) that and the fact that he thought of me to get me that makes me feel less of a fat ass ^//^

1/2 Red delicious apple: 40cal 11:10a
Ramen w/sesame oil: 160cal 1:10p
1 slice toast: 60cal 3:10p
Tsp mustard: 0cal 3:10p
1tbsp motzarella 30cal 3:10p
Graham crackres: 110cal 5:00p
1 cookie: 70cal 7:00p
4pc Burger King chicken tenders: 180cal 10:50p (purged 11:05p)
1 value fries: 220 10:50p (purged 11:05p)
Ranch sauce: 170cal 10:50p (purged 11:05p)
1 Cherry: 110cal 10:50p (purgqd 11:05p)

150cal over T__T
1150cal eaten
680-10%= 612cal purged
538cal net total

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