be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Friday, May 28, 2010

ana speaks, painful inspiration

i was going to eat cheerios for my 6:00 meal but 2 spoonfulls in and i bit my lip so hard! it hurt so bad! it bled and made a hole O.O i lost my appetite and threw it all away. would have been good except i cheated :P i ate a cookie, a graham cracker and a butterfinger crisp an hour later. i purged it though, i couldnt stand the thought of it in my system. half because i wasnt hungry and the other half because i was punishing myself for cheating, i didnt eat again till 11.

(earlier today in my previous blog)
21 shrimp chips: 67cal 1:00p
2 Scrambled egg whites: 34cal 3:10p
Shoyu: 1cal 3:10p
Milk: 4cal 3:10p
Motzarella: 9cal 3:10p
Ketchup: 5cal 3:10p

2 spoonfulls honey nut cheerios: 10cal 5:10p
~1tsp milk: ~5cal 5:10p
1 Cookie: 170cal 6:00p (purged 6:10p)
1 Graham cracker: 110cal 6:00p (purged 6:10p)
1 Butterfinger crisp: 270cal 6:00p (purged 6:10p)
1/2 Cesar salad: 245cal 11:00p

85cal under
915cal eaten
550-10%= 495cal purged
420cal net total

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