red and white winged ponies with pumpkin muffin monsters

As sit and sip on my soothing cup've chai, I realise that I am in a bit've a mixed feelings predicament.

On one hand, I'm quite glad:

I'm overjoyed to note that I am losing a half pound per day {today being my 97 pound mark} and getting closer to a more satisfying weight! I will welcome the confident feeling if being where I should be. I have been following the plan provided to me by an extremely accurate -and free- site called "lose it!" Unlike most weight tracking sites, it calculates the amount've calories you can eat in order to lose at the rate you choose: .5 pounds per week, 1 pound per week, 1.5 pounds per week, 2 pounds per week. As you lose, it re-calculates on it's own, and lowers your intake allowance in order to keep you losing. It is a rather nifty thing really! I've fallen completely in love with it!

 

I also went to the flea market and found a few simple, yet, day-making items. A soft, white plush pegasus pony, with a bright red yarn mane and tail, that I couldn't resist for a dollar {I've'nt decided whether I'll go with Peppermint or Candy Cane for his name}; a vintage copy of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, which is in spectacular condition; and a couple jars've my absolute favorite Amish pumpkin butter!

 

Whilst at the market, one've the vendors decided that I was the girl to pick on for some odd reason. He called me out in his foreign accent as I walked past, saying: "You look like supermodel! My day is better now I stand next to a beautiful woman. You are my supermodel. You beautiful. See, you smile!" Riiight. Can anyone say: trying much to hard to make a sale under pretense've me being attractive? That is not even accurate. At one point he had his arm around me and that is one thing I so despise, being touched by a random person I don't know. 

I've to say that is the most difficult part've my job. I absolutely cannot stand when I've to take money from a customer and even worse if they touch my hand as they are handing it to me. I just think: What if they scratched them-self and didn't wash? What if they picked something up from the ground and didn't wash? Or what if they were just intimate with someone and didn't wash? Especially men. I don't know why but every-time a man pays and happens to touch me, I get a flash of them doing the five-finger-disco and I have to wash immediately!

And after much side-tracking, on the other hand I am a bit concerned:

Today is my Christmas Puppy's 14th birthday. She lives at home with my mum in Hawai'i. I used to bake her a mini dog-friendly cake or cupcake on her birthdays and buy her some new treats and a toy or two. Since I miss her terribly, I allotted for 500 calories tonight so I could go to the grocery and find a treat to have in honour of her. I've been craving pumpkin flavoured anything lately, what with it being autumn and all, so I bought a $1 pumpkin muffin at the bakery. It had frosting and was a bit on the larger side for a muffin. About the size of 1.5 cupcakes. I ate it with difficulty and nervousness. I had calorie room for it in my day's intake, so I didn't go over {in fact, I'm under my limit}. I fought thoughts from the time I entered the item code at checkout.

 

I allotted for it.

This is bad it's so fattening.

This is for Chibi's birthday.

I can't eat this.
What if it starts a new b/p cycle?
I'm not supposed to be afraid of food anymore, just of going over my limit.
My fingers have grease on them.
My lips have grease on them.
My insides are getting caked with grease, literally.
It's okay, I'm under my limit.
I will exercise.
Etc, etc, etc.

My tummy felt sick for a while afterward. I nearly vomited in the shower and I don't mean that I almost couldn't resist the urge to purge.

Well, anyhoot, that's been today. Mostly good and I feel pretty well now with the muffin ordeal.

Elegance, dignity, frailty.