recurring nightmares?

I've been having these dreams/nightmares about my litto sister for a few weeks now. It's been so often and they are so real that I feel this sense of dark worry when I think about her now. Gracious it's unnerving! I keep dreaming that she has an eating disorder. I haven't figured out if it's bulimia or anorexia...how ironic for me to worry when I have an eating disorder... I feel this strong need to protect her from having to feel the things I feel. In my dreams I'm always conflicted between the usual overwhelming want to just stop her, and the horror of wanting to help her along! WHAT?!?!?! I wake up feeling like a horrible person for both! Trying to stop her would be the wrong way to go about it b'coz it doesn't do anything but add stress to the person with the ED, and definitely helping her is NOT the way to go either! {well, helping her in the way I approached it in my dreams} I didn't know whether to give her mom pointers on what to watch for, or to tell her to leave my sister be, or to take my sister to a doctor, or to give my sister pointers, or to lock her up in a room... I just cried in my dream b'coz how can I do anything when I am not in any authority myself?

I have always worried about this b'coz she has always complained of being fat since she was 7. She always pulled at her stomach skin and said she ate too much and said she needed to diet. She is extremely thin and I know that that, in itself, holds no meaning but the constant dislike of her body and the way she has always looked at herself and spoken of herself was like looking at a mirror that reflected the beginnings of my ED.

I feel like I am no one to worry about her with this b'coz I am fighting it myself, but I can't help but to worry. I feel like an alcoholic saying: Son, go to your room! I cannot believe you were caught drinking!

Ya, okay dad, whatever you hypocrite idiot.

How can I even begin think I'm allowed to worry about her when I still hide and deny the fact that I binge and purge and restrict and obsess and count and add and subtract and multiply and divide and log and obsess and obsess and obsess, myself?

This is a bit chilling...