I just got out've the shower. I turned the water to it's coldest and rotated myself so the water could keep me cold. It was a decent 15-30min punishment. {I don't think that is good enough but I've to turn in soon.} The body really doesn't want to be cold. I could feel my body trying to warm itself. I had to spread my arms out so they wouldn't touch my body b'coz it held in warmth. Now that I'm out've the shower though, the heat my body was trying to create, is fading and I'm pretty cold.
I remember punishing myself in ice baths at 14 years old. I would tell myself that it boosts metabolism to be cold, and since I was stupid and ate whatever it was I shouldn't've, then I had to submerge my entire body in a tub've cold water with added ice cubes until I begun to shiver. I would hold my breath under the water for as long as I could, then come up for air, then repeat it when I'd gotten my breath back.
I honestly have no clue as to when my troubles with food began. It happened subtly from around 12 or 13 years old I believe. Then it got a bit more serious at 15, and worsened at 17, and again at 20. I don't remember when or if I was ever normal...
Skipping Out
6 months ago
I have hot showers >.< If I get too cold I lose circulation to my hands and get chilblains when I warm up. Gah!
ReplyDelete*Huggles* I wish you didn't feel the need to punish yourself. Stupid food problems suck so much.
Normal? What on earth is normal? o.O I've never seen a normal person. Do you know where they're hiding? :p
Love you <3