be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

today's weather forecast: guilt showers

And my mind says to me:
You are not worth anything.
You do not deserve anything.
You do not need anything,
And don't you dare want anything.
Don't you dare!
You are nothing and undeserving of anything.

I think this is why I make plans to get myself something nice, or when I actually do get something for myself, I feel a dark stormy cloud of guilt hang over me. I've recently graduated to being able to buy myself produce and cheap litto flea market finds without guilt. But anything more than $20 is a major guilt shower!

Peri: my email is kii_puppy@ymail.com

1 comment:

  1. You are worth things and you deserve treats. EVERYONE needs to be spoiled every once in a while. Regular pampering is a cornerstone to a healthy soul. Even if it's 'just' a fancy tea or some really nice shower gel.

    I like how you're training yourself to get yourself nice things :D Screw the guilt, you DESERVE to be pampered and feel special!

    Unfortunately for me when it comes to buying yarn I have no such self-restraint. Everything else bought new I have to justify and agonize over, with yarn my brain goes "OMG IT'S SO PRETTY AND SOFT AND GLORIOUS LOOK AT THOSE COLOURS I MUST HAVE IT!" /facepalm. Miles gets a little scared when we walk into yarn shops :x Last time I only bought ONE thing, but it was a $42 skein of Tough Yarns' laceweight kid mohair/merino in dreamy pale sunset-pinks and lavenders. I think it traumatised the poor boy a little!

    Sending you tons of love and anti-guilt thoughts. Get yourself something nice because I SAID SO. No guilt allowed, you're being ordered :p

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts and replys? ^__^