i fucked up again today. i restricted and did well during the day but the nights always get me. i started out with a blueberry yogurt cup as i had planned, then ate the 1/2 packet of oatmeal and then i binged and purged a peanut butter jelly sandwich, a piece of strawberry pie, a apple cinnamon roll, a cheese/turkey roll, a cereal bar and a bag of popcorn! i said i wasnt going to binge today because i cant waste my low cal foods, i only have 2 yogurts left. im running out and moneys low, i dont even have anymore tampons! :/ i was lucky my period slowed down and ended early cuz i had to get by on pany liners, close call. im glad i purged it all because me and xxx took a walk to the library so i was able to burn off whatever was left in my stomach that i couldnt get out.
when we left the house for the library i was already so tired after walking not even a ¼ of the way there! in the libraby i was able to recover a tiny bit but not even 10 sec. back outside and i was ready to drop. i kept telling myself "your almost there, dont fall, dont faint. breathe: in...and out...in...and out. just breathe. its almost over..." and then id look up and see how far we had left, it felt like miles! i almost fainted right in the driveway only 10 feet away from the door! O.o i got so nauseous and that fucking annoying thing that happens when everything goes blurry and turns black then refocuses kept happening! im so glad i didnt faint! thats the last thing i need! a ride to the hospital to be told im anemic, which i already know, and to be billed for it. to be billed for nothing, yet again...speaking of which, the hospital never called back about my blood test results, (no surprise there the fucking fat ass didnt even get what she was supposed to) and im not going to call to find out. the last thing i need is to be told im anemic, im underweight and to be given the eating disorder test and a full exam. hell fucking no! fuck that shit!
heres a helpful thinspo that i researched. i looked up how many calories equal to 1 pound. so from now on, when im binging, im going to do my best to keep track of the calories i eat so that maybe i can pull myself out of it because ill be seeing exactly how many pounds im gaining as i eat the shit i eat.
3500cal = 1lb
1750cal = ½lb
875cal = ¼lb
500cal = .142855lb
400cal = .114284lb
300cal = .085713lb
200cal = .057142lb
100cal = .028571lb
1cal = .00028571lb
when we left the house for the library i was already so tired after walking not even a ¼ of the way there! in the libraby i was able to recover a tiny bit but not even 10 sec. back outside and i was ready to drop. i kept telling myself "your almost there, dont fall, dont faint. breathe: in...and out...in...and out. just breathe. its almost over..." and then id look up and see how far we had left, it felt like miles! i almost fainted right in the driveway only 10 feet away from the door! O.o i got so nauseous and that fucking annoying thing that happens when everything goes blurry and turns black then refocuses kept happening! im so glad i didnt faint! thats the last thing i need! a ride to the hospital to be told im anemic, which i already know, and to be billed for it. to be billed for nothing, yet again...speaking of which, the hospital never called back about my blood test results, (no surprise there the fucking fat ass didnt even get what she was supposed to) and im not going to call to find out. the last thing i need is to be told im anemic, im underweight and to be given the eating disorder test and a full exam. hell fucking no! fuck that shit!
heres a helpful thinspo that i researched. i looked up how many calories equal to 1 pound. so from now on, when im binging, im going to do my best to keep track of the calories i eat so that maybe i can pull myself out of it because ill be seeing exactly how many pounds im gaining as i eat the shit i eat.
3500cal = 1lb
1750cal = ½lb
875cal = ¼lb
500cal = .142855lb
400cal = .114284lb
300cal = .085713lb
200cal = .057142lb
100cal = .028571lb
1cal = .00028571lb
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