be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

yay! my first dress!


today was eventful! :D xxx's mom took me to walk in closet, a thrift store, wow! she thought the sale was today but turns out its next weekend and she said we're going again then. but even if it wasnt today, she still bought me 2 tops and a beautiful dress! another wow! its the first dress ive gotten and i didnt expect it but im thrilled none the less! its black with tiny white polka dots and on the bottom there are a couple slits with white bows at the top of each slit and white mesh underneath trimmed with white lace to make it floofy-poofy XD its so beautiful! ill post a pic of it to show you later when i take my LB photos =) when i tried it on i felt like i should be wearing a string of classy pearls around my neck, red lipstick, white gloves, and a gothic lolita hat ^__^ coincidentally i painted my nails white and black this morning before we left. the next time we go to the thrift store im defo going to look for some shorts, i NEED them! theyre all ripped and shit! and i was aiming to look for a long-sleeve knit top thats on the bigger side and long enough that i can wear without shotrs if i wanted. i figured it would be good since its cold sometimes now :P im not at the point where its constant and im freezing. im so not looking forward to that, but i dont care. sacrifice is sacrifice.

haha i also did a great job of making myself look stupid. on my way out the door i was so excited, a little too excited, that i skipped toward the door and my foot went under the fucking rug and i fell forward almost smashing my face in the tile! O.o i hurt my knee because it was what broke my fall and my elbow and my ankle but they only hurt for a minute ^__^

i dont know when, hopefully tomorrow, me and xxx are going to take a walk down to the train track. im going to bring my dress, change into it when we get there and he's going to take pics of me in the dress for LB =) too bad i dont have the white gloves and red lipstick! that would really complete it! but i do have a black hat, white mesh flats, a black rose ring and a pearl necklace =) so that should do fine. im going to take our greyhound with us to be in it with me, i think it would make a good bonus since they are kind of a classy breed of dog.

i did good today im so happy! and again with the mac and cheese, i had no choice :P but i got to cook it again so i was in control of the butter and milk. if i let him cook it a half a stick of butter and 2% milk would have gone in there! O.o i use no butter and skim/fat free milk which makes it a little less than 260 (i still used 260 as the cals i calculated by) per serving vs. 290 =) i know its still too early for me to be saying this really, but i think i needed a regimented diet plan to get me back on track because im resisting food again, YAY! ana loves me again!
EDIT add:

we're going to go bulk shopping in a few days and im shooting for a bag of lettuce/salad, more beby carrots, a bag of frozen broccoli, a bag of frozen mixed veggies, quaker cream of wheat instead of oatmeal (less cals), another bag of stir fry veggies, mott's healthy harvest sauce blueberry delight, summer strawberry or regular granny smith, 15oz kraft fat free mayo (10cal for 1tbsp) and, a couple cans of bumble bee lump crab meat (40cal for ¼c). its 10 cals lower than bumble bee chunk light tuna in water and tastes better than tuna anyway! XD i REALLY REEEALLY know i shouldnt because its a huMONgous no no, but i think i should get peter pan whipped creamy peanut butter (25cal for 1tsp vs 32cal for 1tsp) i know, i know i shouldnt, but if i let them buy it and i dont get this one, i know i could binge. i get bad peanut butter cravings and if its lower cals at least i can indulge it sometimes while staying in the cal limits. that way, if i indulge the pb craving once in a while i wont be ignoring it like i did before cuz i binged a whole ½ jar once O.o OH! and also peppermint tea as Bree suggested =) thank you so much for all your comments, help and support! your a doll!

½c Kix: 44cal 4:22p
½ packet oatmeal: 65cal 8:00p
⅔c Kraft mac and cheese: 193cal

302cal total

1 comment:

  1. That dress sounds so cute. Please tell me you'll post a link to your LB page? Kudos for tripping and not ending up the ER. ;]
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete

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