i did kind of suckie today. i chose the grilled salmon 280cal and ate half =) but before the food came xxx gave me some bread and well...i ate it O.o fucking bread was definately at least 100cal in itself because it had so much butter, i couldnt take it so i purged :P after the salad. then i ate another roll :( then our food came, i ate half and ate another fucking roll! im diving back into mia and i dont want to! im starting to binge and its making me frustrated because im losing control! i hate the cycle! binge, purge, binge, purge, binge, purge, b, p, b, p, i want to just eat like how i want to eat so that i dont have to torment myself.
it was kinda packed so while we were waiting for them to call us for a table and for xxx's mom's husband to get there, they looked at the menu but because of last nights calorie research i already knew what i wanted. his mom asked and i showed her
"thats the diet section, what are you on a diet??"
"i, i dunno i just, cuz its smaller than the normal one and i dont eat much" she actually cut me off and didnt even hear what i said. she let me just talk into deaf ears.
"ya, thats diet food!"
xxx didnt look too happy but i just told myself "im eating and thats what matters...to him...them..."
then later in the restaurant when it came my turn to order i told the waiter
"umm the grilled salmon..." and pointed to the menu in hopes that he'll just write it down, but no,
"the health nut one?"
"ya."
xxx's mom's husband put his beer down "health nut??"
xxx's mom stopped eating her dinner roll "ya, diet food."
xxx didnt say anything but i knw he was a little bothered by it. but i ate so, hey! be happy, which he was later. i think it was just incomfortable...fuck it was sooo uncomfortable! is a skinny girl not allowed to eat healthy? why does it have to be a shock?
ive fell in complete love with music by frou frou and lily allen! if you want to check them out theyre in my grooveshark on the left column :D it makes me feel happy to listen to allt he songs in my playlist ^__^ i like to just sit, close my eyes and sway to the music and if no one is around to see me i stand up and twirl with my eyes closed XD its fun just to let the feelings of the music embrace you.
1 Logan's Roadhouse dinner roll: 100cal 6:10p (purge 6:17p)
salad: 20cal 6:15p (purge 6:17p)
1 Logan's Roadhouse dinner roll: 100cal 6:20p (purge 6:37p)
1/2 Logan's Roadhouse Mesquite Wood-Grilled Salmon: 140cal 6:30p (purge 6:37p
1 Logan's dinner roll: 100cal 6:35p (purge 6:37p)
40cal under
460cal eaten
460-10%=414cal purged
46cal net total
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