be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Friday, July 16, 2010

theres hope yet!

since ive been binging like crazy and im back to where i started pretty much, ive decided to begin at the begining. but instead of starting out with 1000cal, because i couldnt handle letting myself go that bad, im going to make it 700cals. i am only allowed to consume .199997lbs each day and when i get back control for that i will start to bring the cals back down into the 100's. at least i havent been having to be force fed and watched because xxx thinks im "all better" and being "a good girl" :P so when i get back on track and in control and when ana's proud of me again, im going to do a better job of hiding and pretending im eating. im not going to fuck it up again! im come too far!

ive already screwed up today but im going to keep going, keep trying! im going to back control no matter what!

1cKix: 88cal 3:30p
1 peanut butter and jelly sandwich: 250cal 6:05p
1 Penn Station turkey dagwood sandwich: 500cal 9:00p (purge 9:15p)
1 scoop ice cream: 210cal 1:00a purged 1:10a)
1/2 cookie: 70cal 1:00a (purged 1:10a)
2 Honey Maid graham crackers: 60cal 1:00a (purged 1:10a)

478cal over
1178cal eaten O.O
840-10%= 756cal purged
422cal net total

3 comments:

  1. Well done honey, we are back on track! Ready to face the world :) xxxx

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  2. hey cool you made one! and yes im not stopping no matter what! =) xoxo

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  3. I saw that your following me so here I am saying thank you and following you to.

    I think you done well. I have had a huge problem recently with binging. Its been sevral times a day for a month. Imagine the amount of weight gain!!!

    The pounds bother me but its mainly the way it has effected my overall shape. My inches have increase dramatically. I want it off..
    Sorry for rambling on but I just wanted you to know that I understand completely. Today Is day one of no binging and gaining back control (mind you everyday has been day one for at least 20mins) But today will be different hopefully.

    I am glad your back on track and keep us posted.

    x

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts and replys? ^__^