the only part of my body i am somewhat proud of, soon there will be more

i am glad that i can see my clavicle, its defo the BEST part of my body! i need my ribs, spine, shoulder blades and the bone at the edge of my shoulder right at the top of my arm to show more. if i can do that, i will be happy! i will be more than happy! i will be ecstatic! thrilled! content! calm! beautiful! pure! clean! and THIN! im kind of taking a chance by having these pics here but no one i know personally, uses blogger or even cares to blog for that matter so i think im pretty safe =) im so glad i decided to blog. journaling in notebooks is way to convenient for snoopers and im-trying-to-figure-out-whats-wrong-with-you-ers. its happened to me 4x too many and ive finally used the intelligent part of my brain! XD ive had blogs before but just got lazy and didnt have as much access to a computer as i needed to be able to think/write what i needed to write.


ive done good today =) i am ok with my cals today, not much better than yesterday and still over like all of this past month! but its ok. while xxx was sleeping i took the left over hamburger helper that i said id eat today and put it straight in a coffee filter, crunched it up and threw it away and the fucking cheese sauce went down the sink =) the pig under the sink can get fat on it XD so i was able to get away with not eating till dinner because he thought i ate. i dont even feel the want for food! i think ana's come back! :D oh im so happy!!! its the best feeling to know you're going to be ok and everything will be fine.

i did have a whole fucking plan for what to eat today that i failed though :/ and it was going to be perfect, i was going to be under 200 like i used to be everyday before i caught the binge virus that has been cycling and passing from ana girl to ana girl in this community -__- so anyway that didn't work out because i found out we were having frozen pizza (330cal=1 slice) for dinner. i successfully cut one slice into 3 and when xxx saw it
"oh god..."
"what??"
"you cut it into little tiny pieces."
"ya! took a picture!" lie
"oh." relief smile
" is artistic!"
so i fed the 2/3rds of it to the dogs while i stood in the kitchen and ate my 1/3rd. but the very last piece i fed to the dog, she took it and for no fucking reason, ran out into the living room where xxx was to finish eating it! i got paranoid thinking he'll figure out that ive been feeding it to the dogs so i said "woa! she took the crust i gave her and bolted! ran away from grip (our other dog)! since when is grip the bully?! its usually her." then to be more convincing i asked for another slice and fucking started eating it! why?! but thank ana for liquids you use on foods! i grabbed hot sauce and wrote "FAT!" on it and that was enough to kill the on coming binge! :D i purged it and i think im finally back on track! my cals are completely over today but im ok and not upset about it because i know im going to be ok! =)

the post "Eat Well for Flat Abs" at Hopes For Hipbones was completely right! i had tamago meshi for breakfast and my tummy didnt even growl all day! well, it did but just a tad, i hardly felt it! :D im not completely back to ana yet so im scared to feel hungry for fear of it being a binge trigger. tamago meshi is one of my favorites so im glad =) and im japanese so eating a raw egg with rice is normal haha no need to cook it with pan spray, butter or oil. just crack and pop straight into the bowl! XD it definitely does the trick! i did the STUPIDEST thing though!!! xxx bought reese's pieces, a king size pack for me and one for him. i dont know why one pack said 190cal per serving and one said 200 but anyway. i got the 190cal pack and fucking divided wrong! 1 did 190/51 instead of 51/190! i was thrilled but confused to find out that the pack was only 30.33cal but it took me the whole pack to figure out that "hey, how is it i ate all 113 (yes i counted) pieces but its only 30.33cal when the bag says 2 servings of 190 is in here?.....FUCK!" so i went straight to the toilet of course! nooo way was i gonna let all 421cal stay in me uh uh! im not going to count it as a binge or get too upset. im only upset by the fact that im 21 and dont know how to fucking divide or realize the obvious! XD im defo being more careful now!

i saw a girl at kroger the other day and from the back she looked asian and skinny. she had on a mesh black 1/2 top ending just above her belly button, a black bra, and a long black skirt. i kicked xxx to show him cuz we like to spot sexy asian girls and show point them out to each other XD but then she turned sideways and i saw her face, she wasnt asian, just tried the asian style. but the 1st thing i noticed was that her tummy stuck out so far i dont know how she looked skinny from behind! O.o and it wasnt a pregnant belly pooch either, you could tell; it looked more like a beer belly pooch! O.o

my mom just got a walmart card and put 50$ on it =) i feel SO bad asking her for money but i need shorts and panties. my panties are so old theyre ripping and my shorts are too. my friend is coming down in 10 days so we're gonna go to the mall and ill get them then. =) ill save xxx a trip taking me to the mall since he absolutely hates it haha maybe i can get me a hat too, im a hat girl! XD i was thinking of using some of it, if i have enough, to FINALLY pierce my lip! but too bad i cant, i dont have enough and xxx told me i shouldnt do it yet. his mom is really money focused (greedy!) and will get on our case about why money was used for that and not things that are needed. she doesnt even particularly like when i buy new clothes :P bitch. what does she expect me to do?? walk around in hobo clothes?? she'd be more upset that i look like a slob :P but xxx said when he gets a job or when his mom and her husband go on their trip to vegas soon (oooh ya, thats a thing needed to spend money on, uhhh huh, definitely!). im defo gonna save up to get my lip pierced while theyre gone! FINALLY! ive been talking and waiting for it for fucking ever!! :D xxx has been trying to get a job and i think he may get this newest welding one they set up for him! and ive been applying like crazy! wish us luck!! :D

i didnt get to walk down to pick raspberries because i was doing clothes all day and we were busy but i will tomorrow...hopefully :P but ive been making sure that any and every time i go to the bathroom, i DO NOT open that door to leave until ive completed 100 squats =) so far so good! takes about 2 min for 100 so ive been doing about 15min everyday at least, plus the crunches ive been doing as well: 20-center, 20-left side, 20-right side, 30sec hold center in plank, 30sec hold in left twist, and 30sec hold in right twist =) i have gotten much better! i remember when i could do no more than 30 squats without a break and 15 crunches without a break. now i can do 100 squats, no break and 50 crunches going straight into a minute and a half hold crunch! :D YAY!!!

1/4c tamago meshi: 70cal 1:55p
113 Reese's Pieces: 421cal 6:10p (purge 6:12p)
1/3 slice frozen pizza: 110cal 1o:25p
1 slice frozen pizza: 330cal 10:40p (purge 10:45p)
1/4c Rainbow sorbet: 60cal 1:00a

231cal over :P
991cal eaten
751-10%= 675.9cal purged
cal net total315.1