my first weigh in! and holidays suck! :P

awww thanks girls for all your comments, i love you all! your all so hepful to me and you give me so much strength with your comments and blogs! im sorry ive been a little non existant on your blogs :/ i havent had very much time do do any reading what with being watched so much. but i try to read when i can and i did some commenting last night =) yay wow! i hope i get quaker puffed rice cereal today! its the lowest cal cereal ive found yet! its 37.5cal for 3/4c :D yay! i can eat 3x a day with that and only be at 112.5! or i can eat 2x a day and eat one sugar-free/low-calorie jell-o with only 10cal! plus im hoping to get me some frozen veggies! :D if im able to get the food i need i can finally be off the fucking radar i fucking hate it!

its fucking july 4 so of course, parties and food :P on the way to his friends house he says
"tomorrow night we're all going out to eat so you better stretch out that tummy of yours tonight."
"tomorrow night?"
"ya."
"...you can take food home you know." i laugh.
when we get there they've already started cooking and im glad its turkey burgers, i can ease my mind just a tad. but it was disgusting, D (his friend) was passing xxx the cheese and buns with his hands and he laughingly admitted he didnt wash his hands after he scratched his balls O.O what the fuck dude?! im glad xxx didnt give me cheese cuz he knows i dont want it anyhow. and he let me switch my bun before he took my burger off the grill. while they were cooking xxx offered me a cookie and i smiled and said no but he made a face so i grabbed one and sneaked most of it to the dog. i did that with 5 cookies so i ate about 1 whole cookie x_X

when my burger was done i put mustard on it and cut it into 4. i took 2 bites of one and put my hand down while i chewed my 2nd bight and looked around and what do you know! their dog snached it outta my hand! XD i love that fucking dog! *BING* light bulb shines as bright as the fucking sun! i took another bight of another 4th and put my hand down and *snatch* it disappears. i did that with the 3rd one as well and left the 4th piece untouched because i didnt wanna be too obvious and suspicious that i can suddenly eat a whole burger. i should've left 2 behind but oh well, that dogs fun to feed! and easy to, shes so huge you could giver a whole pizza and she'd be done in a second and no one would ever know you fed her XD i put my plate on the rail (we were out on the deck) and sat there feeding the dog peanuts when xxx went inside and got a plate of mac and cheese
"you want some? try it its good." yep, here comes more food pushing...
"....."
his friend hears us "ya try some alice! i made it really good! its velveeta." how can that mean you made it really good?? its a fucking recipe man.
"um, ok..."
xxx scrapes a few scoops on my plate. i know i have to at least touch it so i eat it one noodle at a time until i eat 10. it really was cras, and not only cuz i didnt want it and was basically forced, it just tasted like shit! good way to help the not eating XD i love when that happens!

it really was annoying though! xxx kept saying things about how skinny i am and so did his friends! fuck im not skinny...ok i may be a little skinny but no where near thin yet!
one incident:
me and xxx are sitting on the railing and he reaches over to pinch my tummy. he likes to pinch me in an affectionate non-painful way on my arms, back, tummy and my thighs.
i laugh "stop it." i smile.
"i didnt even grab anything. i cant, theres nothing there."
"yes there is." cant you feel it? dont you see it when i bend over?! im gross!
"no theres not."
"theres like this much." and i show him with my hands about a5 inches.
"right."
"there is."

another incident
while we were watching fireworks his friend looks over at me
"you needa feed her a sandwich!"
xxx didnt hear him.
"xxx"
"ya?" oh cras dont make him say again!
"make her a sandwich!"
"...huh?.......why?" oh fuck c'mon! do you have to make him explain it?!
"she looks hungry!" and no there wasnt any food around that i was staring at...
"...she ate a burger..." boyfriend, please...
"i know but she's so skinny! go feed her!"
i know xxx really didnt understand but it still sucks!

i have a netspend card that the stupid people wont validate and they gave me until today to spend whats on it or they take it. i forgot to spend it so on the way home we stopped at the gas station and of course, as if i havent eaten enough today, the only thing i could buy was food -__- i got a blueberry nutrigrain bar, blueberry danish, gum, blueberry life water and a red bull for xxx. i thought "ill buy food so he feels better but ill find a way to not eat it later." but now i feel like i shoulda bot a shit-load of gum and life water! im a fucking idiot! but i took care of the nutrigrain when we got home! thank you inventor of the toilet and my mind for being able to keep with chew/spit and not swallowing! :D i fucking hate cookies, burgers, cheese and danishes! theyre chock full of calories with such small amounts. i could think of a ton of things that have less calories for way more! my calorie intake is quite suck-ish today! 2nd fucking day im over 200! fuck! i cant keep doing this! i need to lose weight before the 30th cuz man that weekend is going to be bittersweet!

OH! ill end with a happy note! while i was there i went to the bathroom twice, purged downstairs and im glad that later the downstairs bathroom was occupied becuse it made me have to go upstairs and low and behold there was a fucking SCALE on the floor! i stripped down and weighed myself! im so fucking glad to say i DID lose! i was 107 and now im 94!!! :D ive reached GW 3!!! too bad i cant put dates to when i reach GW 1 dnd 2 but im still happy! ^__^

5 baby carrtos: 10cal5:35p
1 cookie: 70cal 7:20p (purge 8:00p)
1/4 turkey burger w/bun: 67.5cal 7:50p (purge 8:00p)
mustard: 0cal 7:50p (purge 8:00p)
10 maraconi noodles from Velveeta Mac Snd Cheese: 10cal 8:10p
chew/spit 1 Nutrigrain cereal bar blueberry: 130cal 11:30p
2c popcorn: 60cal 1:30a

282.5cal under
217.5cal eaten
137.5-20%= 123.75cal purged
93.75cal net total