be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

back on track but possibly being kicked out :(

yesterday was my first day back on track and im glad! its such a relief! i hope i can continue in the right direction =) theres a whole strawberry pie and im scared for when they open it! i dont know if i can resist! but im going to do my absolute fucking best!



im worried a little. xxx's mom is being a complete fucking bitch and says we have to move out. she's mad at him because he couldnt fix the washer. she turned it on and it sprayed water all over her and she says he sabotaged her...how stupid a reason to kick us out! he tried to fix it and he couldnt so she's pissed. we have no where to go, no jobs, nothing, not even a car to live out of because thats her car...i dont know what we'll do :/ i have no doubt she'll throw out all of his stuff if he cant take it with us. he doesnt want me to live on the street with him so he asked me last night if i thought my friend J, the one that was going to come over the end of this month (which isnt going to happen now if this is really happening and his mom really does throw us out), would let me stay with her for a week. her dad probably would let me stay there but, but, thats fucking scary! he works at the psych ward with cutters, anorexics, bulimics, and depressed people. he knows all the tricks and things to look for im NOT going to a hospital no fucking way! :( im scared for us, im scared for me, i hope his mom gets over it! and if she doesnt i hope one of his friends will have a heart to let us stay. i want to stay with him...


1/2c Kix: 44cal 3:35p
1/4c fruity marshmellow minis: 25cal 3:35p
1 Dannon Light & Fit yougurt cup peach: 80cal 6:07p
3/4c stir fry: 30cal 1:00a
1 no-sugar/low-caloire Jell-o cup: 10cal 2:25a


311cal under
189cal eaten

2 comments:

  1. id hate for you to move in with J, but maybe you and xxx should move out. maybe get jobs and find a cheap apartment to live in. i mean im only 17 and plan on moving out completely next summer. idk how youve been staying at his mothers this long. goodluck honey. stay strong. you wont end up in a hospital.

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  2. girl, i have been in that same situation. its one of the hardest things to go through. i would try my hardest to make it up to his mom, maybe you and him could do something really nice like cook her dinner or something equally cheesy. i know that probably wont fix it but it might buy you a few days till you figure out a long term situation. i went through this 2 weeks after my son was born and we ended up jumping around like, 5 different houses till we settled at C's aunts house. i would try calling every relative you know, even if its a long shot that they will let you stay with them. its better to try and fail than to not try at all. i cant even count on my fingers and toes how many aunts,uncles,grandparents,cousins,friends, friends parents, we called before we finally found a place.we ended up living in my mothers partially insulated shed. it took us 3 months for C to get a job(i stayed home with the baby) and to save up enough cash to get a cheap apartment. dont lose hope though,you can make it through this.
    stay strong and hang in there.we are all here for you
    meg

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Thoughts and replys? ^__^