im gonna try to go vegan. if not pescatarian, not sure

my tummy hurt quite bad the previous night and ended up having a chat with boyfriend after he gave me some medicine. i told him that when i have fast food, such as that, at my fingertips, i tend to eat and eat even though my tummy hurts and it stops tasing good. i told him how i just cant stop and i dont understand why i would feel the urge to eat if isnt pleasurable in any way. i told him that is why alot of times i hide from him when i eat. i dont like people to see how fast i eat and how much. he said he doesnt care. when i first mentioned that my tummy hurt, he had told me he'd rather not bring home food like that anymore because he knows what it does to me. he doesnt want me to feel anger toward myself. he told me not to eat the candy, but i did out of weakness. im so glad he's supporting me through this, i really need it! so i discussed a plan with him that i must follow because i really need to get my foods organized. i need to be ready and accomadate for the high cal foods in my calculations. so as you know and can already tell, i am a list-er and rule maker! so here it is:

after the pool day, i will set aside 1 day out of the week to:
1) eat at places boyfriend may take me
2) eat foods he wants to bring food home that he has cooked at the café
3) eat any greasy foods he may cook at home, or
4) to eat things i wouldnt normally eat PROVIDED i can control myself and not binge on them. otherwise NO.
the following lists in effect immediately:

the STOP list:
fast food
ice cream
breaded fried foods
foods heavy in grease
butter
oil
chocolate
cake (beside on boyfriends b-day and maybe one slice someday after that if i prove myself to be in control of what food goes into my mouth.)
pie
pizza
gravey
red meat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the SLOW DOWN list:
milk
cheese
chicken
turkey
bread
sugar
soda
juice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lastly the GO list:
ceral
museli
cream of wheat
oatmeal
rice
eggs
healthy choice meals
tuna
crab
fish
lettuce
plums
apples
bananas
blueberries
strawberries
grapes
raisins
yogurt


i was looking for vegan recipes since theyre lower in calories when i stumbled upon a site called GoVeg. i just watched this video on that website and it brought me to tears! i mean, i didnt have an all out bawl fest haha just a few tears and a really bad sadness for them! its SO horrible!!! and to think cows are one of my favorite animals, i LOVE cows!! i have stuffed animals of cows and i had a cow shirt! and yet i eat their meat and condone such acts! feel like a terrible person for it :( my poor poor POOR witto cowys! i went to an expo once several years ago; they had tellys going, with videos like this one, comparing it to the holocaust, asking how it is we are appalled and disgusted at treatment, such as that, to humans but we allow and overlook the torture animals are put through so we can have a double cheese burger, a big mac or ribs at tony roma's. they talked about inhumanity to animals, how they are so ill treated and hit for no reason other than the supposed "care taker's" frustration at the animals fear. i went vegetarian for a little while until my parents made me stop. i was still young and they got upset since meat was a part of nearly every meal we consumed. now, watching that video gives me new incentive to stop again! it reminds me completely of the feelings i had then and i dont want to eat meat anymore, red meat especially! i will still eat fish so pescatarian i suppose...but maybe not because i may eat meat IF i can be sure they previously lived in nice green pastures and had full lives with their cute little young AND that the company DOESNT make veal! ive always hated veal! (i was so mad at my mom when she ordered me veal lasagna back when i was 12 and i asked her what veal meant. she wouldnt tell me till after i ate...i barfed!) i go by the indian belief that animals sacrifice themselves for us to live. and i am ok with it because God made them also for us to eat, but not for us to torture and murder so we can OVER indulge ourselves. so i dont want to eat anymore meat and if i do, it will be vary rare, (not cooking-wise) and it WILL be organic or kosher.

meal- ¾c Kix cereal: 88cal
meal- ½ Healthy Choice sweet hickory bbq chicken: 180cal 7:30p
meal- ¼ left over hoagie, 3 fries, a couple little appetizer things: 350cal 10:40p

618cal total