is she ana? i will never know...

we went to the store tonight to get dinner, we didnt have anything that either of us really wanted to eat. there was a girl in the snack isle who was incredibly thin! (probably as thin, or thinner, than the model in the picture) i must say, all i wanted to do was stare at her, she was so beautiful! ah, i am jealous to say the least! i totally and completely envy her tiny frame, delicate body, collar bones and hips. i know im supposed to be in "recovery" (i hate that word!), but oh what a beauty! she surpasses all of the 7 skinny girls i have counted since i moved here. she is in a category all her own because she is not skinny, she is thin! she is fucking thin! she is only the 2nd thin girl i have personally seen in my life. one girl i saw outside of A&W at home in mililani, and her. ah! im in "recovery" but my desires are still the same, i want to switch bodies with her! i stared at her as much as i could (without being creepy or obvious) until we had to leave the isle; i wanted to remember her forever. if we were both alone in that isle i would have talked to her and timidly, nervously, quietly asked her if she was like us. i was 99% positive she has to be! i heard her having a conversation about cookies with the girl she was with, who was quite chubby especially next to that thin beauty! i only caught part of the convo though: "cookies?...ahhh, i dont really care for oreos though..." i was hoping to stand around to hear more :P im such a nosey person! XD i wanted to analyze if she was avoiding or if it was just a regular convo and she really didnt care for oreos. i caught that boyfriend stared at her as well. he actually stopped right behind her and stared. at first i thought it was because he was thinking the same as me, but come to find out he knows her! as we walked to the u-scan he said
"i know her, i was wondering if i should say hi."
"why dont you?!" haha i was truly hopeful for that! ^__^
"ahh, i dunno."
"why not?? you should!"
"ahhh."
"why not? go say hi!"
"cuz, she's supposed to be dead!" not yelling, just emphasis.
"dead??" wondering, cuz it sounds quite curious.
"ya, she had a bunch a problems." he said something about a diabetic stomach pump or some sort of thing along those lines i didnt quite catch it. so im not sure if she was an ana girl or it was a medical symptom/side-effect of some disease/sickness other than ana. but the way she looked at food, the way she eyed it, as if carefully scrutinizing each object on the shelf, dissecting it into fat, grease, oil, calorie, salt, sugar, carbohydrates, protein and fiber. i dunno, it could be my hopeful observation to find someone near me to connect with that tainted my view of her...