Meg at leak began a post talking about the girl, ann, who appeared on the tyra show that is from americas next top model. the girl who had the super skiny waist. i saw it just now on the news. they showed the part of the tyra show where ann introduced herself. she says she is 6ft 2in 100lbs. mother fuck! with her height shes supposed to be between 153 - 187 for fuck sake! she is at the least 50 below! how in the now "only-accepting-healthy-models-focused" society did she get in??! much less not get caught being underweight, or told to eat more or or or i dunno but fifty three pounds under?? how is she on tv and being awed at? O.O i was only 6lbs under and i started to be told i needed to eat. oh the envy stings hard like a wasp haha XDthey were saying that its wrong for models to look so thin and it gives girls the wrong impression. they brought in a model who said that she hopes tyra will explain what she meant when she said she liked how ann looked because it gives girls out there the idea that they need to look like that and starve themselves. she said that they have swimsuit shows to show people they have healthy bodies and they get that way from eating right and exercise; that they are trying to promote healthy lifestyle not anorexia and starvation. "thin and anorexic and different things." pshh i dont believe them! because i know for myself how i wish i looked and its not like them. i need to be thinner than them. in my mind they are not thin, they are skinny. skinny are the models in the "only-accepting-healthy-models" business and thin are the rare girls who are pure, have control and show off their beautiful bones. im not saying that they have to be anorexic or underweight because i love pictures of healthy skinny fashion models. im just saying i know how i want to look and i want to look thin. my personal definition of thin vs skinny, in the way my brain processes what i see and like, is that thin is a step lighter/smaller than skinny; skinny is still healthy but not what i want for me. i know i wouldnt be happy if i looked skinny because that isnt good enough for me...though i should just stop and shut up now because that dream i had is gone now XD sorry haha irrelevant rambling again!
the other night boyfriend went to sleep earlier than normal. i stayed up because i wasnt tired yet. i had my earphones in listening to my playlist on grooveshark while i read my book and caught up on your blogs. i found this blog on accident: De la mano de tu sombra y el vacío . its spanish for "the hand of your shadow and vacuum" ...i think, i dunno, not sure. if so, lovely title! but anyway i freaked the fuck out! O.o the playlist had finished a few minutes ago and i had the volume on soft. all of a sudden i hear whispering but cant make out what its saying its so soft. it makes me a nervous scared kinda hot and i look around squinting trying to make my eyes adjust to the darkness from the laptop screen. i thought "ok, either your mind seriously finally has had enough and your losing it, or tits fucking up!" then i heard the music and found the player all the way at the bottom of the blog! XD fucking hell im a chicken! i like the song though! it says its called the unfortunate by psyclon nine, going on my playlist ^__^
meal- 2 blueberry waffles: 180cal 5:10p
snack- ½c Post Selects Blueberry Morning cereal: 88cal 7:30p
meal (fucking binge!)- 7 chicken tenders, ½c mac and cheese, a whole load of french fries that were at leas 2 Mc Donald size larges, 1 slice pizza: ???
im pretty sure my binge was extremely fucking costly!!! at least 12474.5 from what i could calculate!!! :( im so worthless, totally over today! :( i really hate how weak i am its so gross. but! dont worry! (partially speaking to/convincing myself as well as you girls) i will fix this! tomorrow and all of this next week will be dedicated to fixing every over day this week! it is a VOW! nanee nanee cant break vows! XD im tired of being a weak idiot! just because my dream has been taken away...and i will never ever get it...(i got a glimpse of it twice and it was the happiest ive ever been with myself! i actually grinned at my reflection can you believe it!) but it doesnt mean i have to be weak and give into food all the time! i still have a limit and i still need to keep to it and im going to do that =)
EDIT: i changed that last food entry because i ended up eating more :P and poor boyfriend tripped on the bar on the chair while getting up. he fell into the shelving pushing it hard causing the tv to slowly fall on him, as well as everything else. i saw it all happening in slow motion and i knew it was going to happen when he started getting up. i had time to catch the tv because it was wobbling and slowly, i mean slowly falling, but i just couldnt get there in time :/ isnt that weird and fucked up? the times you can see the future are the times you cant move fast enough to do anything about it? its like your bodys fucked up way of letting you know your shit XD anyway his tv is broken now :( he's so sad. ive never seen him so sad...ive never seen him sad at all really, not like that. it broke my heart when he hid his face with his blanket and i knew he really was very sad.
I saw that chic, I have her mentioned in one of my blog posts last week, she's tiny. That's just crazy! Wondering if she had an eating disorder or possibly some physical/anatomical issue.
ReplyDeletei like watching fat people slowly fall. theres this show called wipe-out on t.v.(abc i think..youtube might have something on it) and the best part of the entire program is when the fattys are jumping through the obstacle course and they end up flying (amazingly slowly) through the air before landing in a giant pool of muddy water.
ReplyDeleteim sorry about your bf's tv though, that sucks. i hate watching the ones i love being upset/depressed. i just feel so helpless.
and im glad to hear im not the only one who's been scared shitless by hearing someones playlist on a blog lol. i do it all the freaking time , especially when its like 2 in the morning and im already dead tired.:P
stay strong
meg