best day in a while!

as i mentioned before, my friend is coming over for the weekend on the last weekend of july. she's my moms friends daughter and ive known her for forever. she's like 5yrs younger than me. she always says she looks up to me cuz im cool or whatever, i dunno why, i suck ass! anyway she always says she wants to be anorexic so she can lose weight -__- i always either ignore it, tell her its not good or i tell her its not healthy, etc. ironic huh? anyway, its not something you can just "decide" to be. i dont understand why people tease it or wanna be anorexic so much. you either are, or your not. ive been this way and had other ednos eating habits since before i can remember. you cant just be it. chances are you'll end up doing it for a month or so and get fed up. its like being black or white or asian. you cant just wake up one morning and say "i want to be asian." if your white or hispanic. so since she looks up to me i better do super good and restrict like crazy until then because im gonna have to eat like a regular person on a regular diet. i cant have her taking on my habits and be blamed for it when her father (my uncle) scolds her and she blames it on me and then im fucked! he works in a psych ward at the hospital O.o he knows all about what to look for and since she lives with him theres no way she can hide it, he'll know within the first week. and i know for sure hell tell my mom and my boyfriend and ill be gone O.o i dont care how fucking fat i still am, he's got the inside and can put me in if he wants to. i cant have her trying to be anorexic! nooo fucking way! absofuckinglutely not! bad enough she started shallow cutting with scissors again after she found out i cut. (she had a friend that would cut but when her friend got put in the psych ward and she got caught, she blamed her friend for teaching her.) she stopped again as soon as i told her i was trying to quit (i wanst at the time). i have no doubt that shell pick up on how i eat.

dont get me wrong though! im completely excited for her to come over!!! just not the eating part x_X well, im not gonna freak out about that now i have a while to think about it and i can do my best until then to make up for what ill be eating. she wants me to teach her how to eat healthy so at least the meals are on me. i get to choose so for sure im gonna encorporate soup and oatmeal in there! ill probably be eating 6x a day and..... *gulp* 1200cal a day! fuuuuuuuck! ok, no more purging cuz im gonna need it whenever i can that weekend!

SO! from now until july 30 this is what i will/will not eat:

safe foods:
soup
crackers
veggies
fruits
oatmeal
sandwich (with limited turkey/cheese/peanutbutter/jelly)

cant eat unless chew/spit:
chocolate
any desserts (beside my sorbet/healthy life style ice cream)
any sweets
hamburgers
hot dogs
spaghetti
pizza
pasta (beside ramen)

tomorrow's plan:
breakfast: 3 baby carrots
lunch: 1 stalk celery
snack: 1 stalk celery (if im hungry before dinner so i dont binge)
dinner: 1c soup
1/4c Healthy Lifestyle ice cream

if i can stick to that then im fine. the only problem will be of course dinners which if i must eat, ill eat just a tiny bit and say im full or just get up and throw it away without a word.

2 baby carrots: 4cal 4:30p
1 baby carrot: 2cal 5:40p
1 baby carrot: 2cal 7:20p
1c Campbell's Select Harvest Light Italian-Style vegetable soup: 50cal 10:00p
3 baby carrots: 6cal 12:00a
1/4c Healthy Lifestyle ice cream: 45.5cal 1:00a

454.5cal under
109cal eaten