be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Monday, June 7, 2010

mini date, an appriciative/happy disaster

xxx took me on a mini date today since we havent been able to go on our actual first date yet with the flat tire, the moving and the crappy battery. gess where he took me...to jungle jim's food market! oooh thats a horrible thing to do to a girl who doesnt want to gain weight but misses her home! he took me there because that market has all kinds of food from different places and i could get food that im used to. it made me so happy to see it all and to know that he loves me and thinks about me enough to take me there...but i still love hate food. my walls crumbled, i bought my favorite onion rings (similar to funyuns), yokan (azuki bean paste made into a bar), and nikuman (sweet bun with meat inside). im not to worried about the drinks i bought theyre healthy =) but i mini binged on the way home and purged as soon as i could :( then i steamed a nikuman and purged that as well. if i hadnt i wouldve easily went over 1000 today! that would have been a first in a while, i couldnt let htat happen! ha, and of course it had to be today because when i looked in the mirror, i finally noticed a little change! YAY! i hope what i ate didnt affect it!!! *runs to check in the mirror!* ...great...it did -__- ok im officially kicking foods mother fucking ass for the rest of the day and tomorrow!
heres what im going to eat tomorrow:
☐2 zestas asap after i get up: 24cal
☐1 celery and a tsp brie: 51cal
☐10 baby carrots: 20cal w/1 tsp dressing: 16cal
☐1/4c orange sorbet (only if i can follow the previous food assignments because the sorbet is a reward): 30cal
☐whatever i have to eat for dinner if i cant get out of it
☐141cal partial total + dinner = lower than 300cal


im eating myself into a lack of self esteem and self respect!
it has to stop!

2 Keebler Zesta crackers: 24cal 11:35a
1 serving onion rings: 138cal 1:45p (purge 2:15p)
1 yokan: 170cal 1:45p (purge 2:15p)
1/2 peanut butter Moon Pie: 85cal 1:45p (purge 2:15p)
1 nikiman: 310cal 2:35p (purge 2:40p)

273cal under
727cal eaten
703-10%= 632.7cal purged
94.3cal net total

1 comment:

  1. Hey , thanx for following .
    and i mainly stick to sugar-free jello
    celery and all those low cal - 0 cal
    foods , jello is by far my favorite.
    and if you like sweets you can put Redi whip on the jello for only 15extra cal, not too shabby .

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts and replys? ^__^