what should i do? .....i dont know...

i innocently climbed up onto the counter so i could get a better view of my thighs in the mirror :P i just wanted to see if ive made any progress with them since ive never checked. happy to say i have a teenie tiny gap now :) but while i was up there i found my boyfriends pill crusher with 7 pills in the compartment and a pen modified for sniffing...i always knew he sniffed his pills...but...why is he hiding it? i mean...i know he'd probably hide it because of my flashbacks that i get about my dad. he's an alcoholic/drug addict. i dont really talk about him but he's caused me alot of pain and seeing things like this, random pills on the floor, beer, yelling and whatnot, they all give me flash backs and he knows that...i dunno maybe im just freaking out because of my past experience with my dad? anyway i did some sneaky research :/ i looked up the number on the pills: vicodin. i looked up the side effects for addiction starting usage as pain killer from surgery: "unable to urinate, puking. no sex drive." "itching, severe insomnia and anxiety. loss of memory after." everything checks out except that he doesnt throw up and his sex drive is ok i gess i dont know. he's the only guy ive ever fucked...he always says he doesnt do as much with me sexually as he would like to because he's getting "older" but he's only 34 so is that an excuse for low sex drive?? he also cant cum alot of times. he says its always been that way and that its there but sometimes he just cant...or does that mean im just not good enough?? :( am i too fat and ugly for him to be aroused enough to cum? he does it himself sometimes cuz we like to watch each other and sometimes he still cant even if he's doing it. maybe its because i am ugly. i mean, its me he's looking at so...ok, i went sooo off topic. this whole thing just has my mind going nuts! i shouldnt have got up on that fucking counter.

he goes through these times (a day or 2) where he'll get super sleepy, drowsy looking, eyes half open and slurred speech like he's stoned and he does the weirdest shit during the nights. like once he cleaned up the dogs vomit with cardboard but he threw it in the toilet. cardboard and all. and he dreams things while he's up and walking around. like he'll ask me why the frogs are dead when we have none or he'll make absolutely no sense at all saying stuff like "there are holes and chairs in the light" or whatever, like he's high and hallucinating. but when he's back to normal he doesnt remember anything, he can lose about 3 days sometimes. and just last night he went downstairs and didnt come back for 2hrs. i got lost in the movie i was watching and didnt notice. after the movie i went down there and he was sleeping draped over the couch and it looked like he was dead. id've freaked out if he wasnt snoring. when i woke him up he started coughing and gagging and spit out a bunch of tiny white beads and this yellow and green plastic looking thing. he said he had the worst taste in his mouth. i noticed the pill container on the table and checked inside. it was his moms ani-depressant pills. he didnt remember taking it and didnt understand why it was in his mouth, much less stuck in the back of his throat, and why he didnt swallow if he evedently intended to take it. im glad he didnt swallow it! it was his moms pills! i told him im watching him from now on! he could have choked and i wouldnt have even known! ive always passed it off as he's just over tired from his insomnia because he sometimes goes 3 days without sleep. i know for a fact he doesnt get high...i mean...he could while im sleeping but i dont smell it and im up at the times he becomes this way. he always says he doesnt know why he gets like that and ive told him to tell his doctor but he just tells me, "what am i gonna tell him? i get sleepy for no reason and do stupid shit and have to be babysat?" so i counted his pills and im going to keep track of them, how long he spends in the bathroom and if its related to his sleepy hallucinating episodes. i want him to be honest with me. ive known he crushes them, sniffs them, and that he's addicted to them. but i want to know if its the reason for these episodes and if he's lying to me telling me he doesnt know why he gets this way. he's never lied to me but im wondering if he's lying about this because he doesnt want me to want him to stop taking them...i dont know...what should i do? should i talk to him? or just let it go? am i thinking too much about this because of my past?...i dont know..but it hurts to think that he may be lying to me. he's the only person ive ever trusted so well and has never lied to me...am i blowing this up, being too dramatic?.......