be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

 ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Friday, June 25, 2010

we all know subs are sooo not healthy like commercials imply, i call false advertising!

i HATE food!!!!!!! ug i feel sooo bloated and disgusting! i purged my guts out a few minutes ago. my stomach hurts so bad! boyfriend woke me up from my nap and said
"lets go."
"where?"
"penn station for dinner. i can finally buy you something to eat."
"oh, ok!" pretending to be excited.
he goes to the bathroom and i immediately jump outta bed and search for the lowest cal sub they have. i didnt really have time to really search for the lowest cal one so i just picked the lowest one i could spot on the first page. it was either chicken salad or turkey dagwood. i went with chicken salad and now i have a stamp on my head that says IDIOT and a FAT ASS one on my stomach to match! duh! chicken salad will have mayo! turkey dagwood i can tell them no mayo :P well, on the way there i told myself, "its ok. itll be ok. you can handle this. its just one time...or any time im caught in a food trap like this...i hope theres not too many before july 30! ill be fine. ill just eat it all so theres no temptation later, i will not binge afterward! ill try my best to avoid food tomorrow and ill be back on it!" well, that thought process didnt work. i felt guilty as fuck and i had to, had to, had to purge! i looked in the mirror and im fatter than i was :( i told myself i wasnt going to complain but. fuck i was doing so good!.......ok! im stopping now! right now! i sound so pathetic! i need to just forget it, and continue doing well tomorrow. it so hard to let it go! but i have to stop it! ok, im stopping it! my thought process is kicking in now...

3 baby carrots: 6cal 1:50p
1/2c peaches: 50cal 4:10p
1 small 7in Penn Station chicken salad sub: 568cal 10:00p (purge 10:10p)
Penn Station french fries: 271cal 10:00p (purge 10:10p)

359cal over :'(
895cal eaten
839-10%= 755.1cal purge
139.9cal net total
書く … alice-k コンポーズ 10:53 PM
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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousJune 26, 2010 at 1:05 AM

    how do you work out the purge to eat ratio?.
    haha. in fact, how do you work out how many calories you've purged?.

    i'm not awesome friends with mia, but we hang out from time to time.
    last time i puked a little blood and got freaked.

    x

    ReplyDelete

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