be new:

To be thin is to be beautiful, to feel beautiful, to be happy, to be new. 新しいになります。 I hope, someday, to see myself as others see me, and to be as light and happy as the leaves that blow in the wind or a beautiful balloon drifting up into the clouds...












Welcome
Hullo my little blueberry tea cups! ^__^ Thankyu for reading and being a part of my life. You help me so much. You give me more strength, determination, inspiration than if I were to be dealing with this alone and no one to speak of it to. I love and appreciate every one of you deeply! I hold each of you dear to my heart.

BEFORE JUDGING, PLEASE READ

ps.- I do not teach or wish to inspire eating disorder for it is a sickenss, not something that can be learnt. Eating disorder midset is something one is cursed with that most likely progresses slowly over the years of one's life: appearing first as a simple diet, moving forward in the form of ednos, and possibly, sadly hitting many full on as anorexia/bulimia. If you do not agree with blogs or people that support the lifestyle of the eating disordered, please leave. This blog is not for you. Please do not judge me b'coz I support others through their difficultiesor b'coz I seek support myself, for we need friends and people to talk to about our problems just as you do. Please do not proceed to tell me what I am doing is wrong, I am unhealthy, I am going to die, I need to gain weight, etc. I know what I am and what I am doing, it is not for you or anyone to tell me. I mean no disrespect for any concern; however, gaining weight and simply eating will not help me. It will make me sicker by causing mental torments.

Monday, June 14, 2010

a much needed pep talk...teeter tottering over failure


i keep smelling things like spaghetti, pizza, cookies, pasta and its so fucking annoying! sometimes i feel like i can taste it O.o i dont understany why. theres nothing even cooking or baking. its been happening for months and i never thought anything about it but now its happening everyday and it sets off my binge brain O.O but im staying strong. i will not lose to food today. i almost binged a whole can of cookies last night.

i told xxx "i really wanna eat those cookies on the fridge downsatirs."
he said "well go ahead, why dont you?"
"cuz theyre not opened, i dunno whose they are."
a few minuets later he goes downsatirs and i was hoping that he'd bring them up as a thoughtful boyfriend thing like he usually does, but lucky me, he didnt, phew. i almost ruined my control streak...theres like 3 of them, unopened, those royal dutch or whatever ones in the blue can, uggg. i have to stay in control! stop smelling, stop thinking. i did so well yesterday and the day before i dont want to let it go now! just one day, i can do it, fruits...and veggies, fruits and veggies, fruits, veggies, fruits, veggies, fruitsveggiescookiesfruitsveggiesfruitsveggies, i can do it. i will do it! there is no failure today because i am strong and in control and i will be alice in thinland! i will look like the girls in my alice corner! i will be thin and happy! i will reach 80, i will!

1 comment:

  1. you are doing soo well dont give up. you can do this. you will not think or smell food. think summer. think thin.

    ReplyDelete

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