excuses excuses

we went to the store earlier and i got more carrots and a different kind of soup. i really want to take my time and look at all the different things and calorie amounts and see which ones have the lowest but its really hard doing that with my boyfriend around :/ he doesnt think i need to "diet" so i wont say im "dieting" as a reason because hell say im not fat, i dont need to, im fine how i am etc. so the only thing i got going for me now is saying im into health. he grabbed a really high cal bread and changed his mind to a different one, which so happened to be low cal,
"i like this one better, ok with you?"
"yep! its healthier anyway. the other one was really bad."
"psh, since when are you into health??"
"ive always been, i just took it down a notch since ive been here cuz its not like im paying for the food."
so thats been explaining the light soups, sobe life water, vitamin water, vegetables, silk, sorbet and whatever else i ask for. i cant wait to get a job so i can stop feeling bad asking for food...aaand i still have to learn how to fucking drive! then i can go and do my own fucking shopping! ive kinda been putting it off because i wanted my first licence to be from home with our info on it, not to mention i hate taking id/permit/licence pics :P but for the sake of losing im gonna try to get it and a job. im not that bad a driver i just need to drive a little more before i go so i can get used to it again.

next to the soups is the bakery and i have absolutely no fucking idea why i said it but i kinda shouted, "COOKIES!" -__- ya...nice one alice!
evil-devil-horrid-fattening-calorie-stuffed food=1
stupid-fat-loud-mouth-wants-to-gain-more alice=0.
but i turned that situation around by pretending.
"whats this one?"
lifts the cover.
"meh. i like this one better."
takes a 70 calorie cookie that was baked in 45calorie butter and sprinkled with 10 calories.
i held it in my hand and pretended to eat it and when we got to the toilet paper, i dropped it in between the bags. im sure people saw me but do i give a fuck? hell, fuck no! my bodys at stake here! you think im gonna eat it just because people are watching me thinking, "did she just?...she did?!...why the fuck did she take it if she was gonna stuf it in the items only for it to mold and rot? what an idiot!" no! no i am not! id rather do that than watch my stomach and thighs grow an inch before my eyes! i am strong, ana's on my side, i must keep control.

ive been researching on the internet and ive been finding some awesome low cal recipes! i just have to tweak and modify here and there but hey, its not bad! i found pancakes that are 26cal each, muffins 72cal each (still kinda high for my liking), and a tuna salad 88cal, which i can split into 4 22cal servings! thats really good for me because i need to keep my cals super super low this month and next! i need to start seeing some fucking results!

its so fucking gross! i went in the bathroom this afternoon and xxx's mom put 3 rolls of toilet paper on the plunger! EW! thats disgusting! why?! something that goes in the toilet, cleaned OR uncleaned, breads bacteria from the pee/doo doo water (just cuz you cant see it dont mean its not there) while it sits there and dries! and you wipe your private parts with that?! the parts that your supposed to keep cleanest?! why dont you just stuff the fucking plunger up your pussy?! its basically the same thing. ug! i cant wait till me and him get our own place. itll be sooo much fucking easier for me to keep things clean the way i want it and to get the food i want and do what i want. i just feel uncomfortable here cuz its her house, not mine. i can only keep our room clean and the bathroom upstairs (which by the way, the toilet paper is kept under the sink in its wrapping!), because that job has been left to me...somewhat, but thank fucking hell that i get some say in it cuz its the one i use.

xxx is so sweet! i was sooo sleepy. i was falling asleep while we were watching death becomes her, you know that old-ish movie where they drink the potion and stay young forever? well anyway he carried me to the bed ^__^ awww!